When someone is pregnant, the question “Are you having a boy or a girl?” often comes up. This common inquiry reflects a mix of curiosity, compassion, and sometimes a lack of understanding. While the question is rarely intended to offend, it reinforces a traditional view of gender that can be limiting. This perspective, known as heteronormativity, suggests that societal norms stem from cisgender and heterosexual experiences, dictating strict rules about how individuals should express their gender based on their assigned sex at birth.
In essence, a gender creative—or gender-expansive—child is one who defies conventional gender roles and stereotypes. Dr. Lisa Morgan, a psychologist based in New York, popularized this term in her insightful book, The Gender Creative Child. Her work explores gender fluidity and offers practical guidance for parents and caregivers to support children whose gender identities and expressions diverge from societal expectations.
Sadly, many people still cling to the outdated idea that gender can be determined simply by examining a baby’s genitalia. This binary view of gender reduces it to two categories, ignoring the rich spectrum of identities that exist. For instance, some individuals identify as gender fluid, feeling their identity shifts between male and female, while others, like myself, identify as nonbinary—existing outside the traditional male-female dichotomy.
It’s crucial to understand that being a gender creative child doesn’t automatically indicate that they are transgender or queer. A boy who enjoys traditionally feminine activities isn’t precluded from being attracted to girls, just as a masculine-presenting girl can still pursue relationships with masculine-presenting boys. Clothes and accessories should be means of self-expression, not cages of conformity that dictate how someone should behave based on their gender.
Unfortunately, societal pressures often impose limitations on this self-expression. Children are bombarded with messages that dictate what it means to be a “real” boy or girl, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy for those who don’t fit neatly into these roles. For example, when my son, Jake, chose sparkly silver boots he affectionately called “space boots,” he felt empowered. Yet, societal norms quickly made him aware that liking these “girl things” could be seen as wrong. This reality can make it difficult for children to embrace their authentic selves without fear of judgment.
To foster an environment of acceptance, we need to actively challenge our biases and dismantle harmful stereotypes. This starts with asking people about their pronouns instead of making assumptions based on appearances. Rather than merely encouraging our kids to break gender stereotypes, let’s teach them to uplift those who are reshaping what it means to be themselves.
If you’re interested in learning more about how to support gender creative children, you might find our other post on gender identity insightful. Additionally, for those exploring fertility and insemination options, this resource offers valuable information.
In summary, embracing gender creativity in children helps cultivate a more inclusive society. It’s essential to recognize that gender is not a binary concept but a spectrum that allows for individuality and expression. By fostering acceptance and understanding, we can create a world where all children are free to be themselves, without labels or limitations.