When my first two kids were little, I balanced two part-time jobs and organized my hours around my then-husband’s rigorous work schedule. He often put in long hours, sometimes reaching 60 a week, while I worked just a couple of shifts during the week and on weekends. Friends and family often criticized my choice to continue working, insisting that a woman’s place was at home raising her children.
With my next two children, life threw me a curveball. I underwent two surgeries and was diagnosed with a chronic illness that came with a side of anxiety, rendering me unable to work. Suddenly, I was bombarded with messages that suggested other women could manage full-time jobs alongside health issues—so why couldn’t I? The pressure was relentless; no matter what choices I made, I felt like I was falling short. I kept telling myself, “Nothing I do will ever be ENOUGH.”
Stepping away from the workforce led me to center my life entirely around my children. I believed that my purpose was to devote myself to them. While I cherish motherhood, let’s be real—there were days when it was just plain hard. The cozy moments of snuggles and bedtime stories faded into the distance, replaced by hectic schedules of karate practice, football games, and dance classes, leaving me feeling less needed. My yearning to be indispensable was left unfulfilled.
Before I knew it, I was caught in a whirlwind of negativity. I became sarcastic and passive-aggressive, feeling unappreciated, and I’m going to admit it—I held onto some resentment. Other moms seemed effortlessly organized and Pinterest-perfect, while I was the one shouting, “I love you! Have a great day!” as the kids left for school. Then, I would retreat back to the kitchen, staring at a sink full of dishes, remnants of breakfast still sticking to the plates, and I’d feel rage bubbling up inside me. “What am I, the maid?” I’d mutter under my breath, knowing that other moms probably felt the same way too.
Despite my frustrations, I often ended up cleaning up the messes, feeling annoyed that I was the only one doing it. When my husband would come home, he’d be animated and cheerful, sharing stories about his day while I stood there, feeling sticky and disheveled, with remnants of breakfast still clinging to me. “So, honey, how was your day?” he’d ask, and I’d respond with a forced smile, “Yep, everything’s great,” but really, I just wanted some peace and quiet.
Fast forward a decade of neglecting my own needs, I finally began to prioritize myself, starting with writing down my thoughts. I started to ease the burden of self-criticism and the relentless “should haves” that plagued me. Then, one day, my 17-year-old son uttered a single sentence that flipped the script: “Mom, I’m really proud of you for taking time for yourself.”
What? You’re proud of ME for doing something for ME? Tears flowed freely, not just from sadness, but from a joy that felt profound and unexpected. It was a reminder that the old saying, “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” rings true. Don’t wait years to embrace self-care. Whether your child is a day old or in their thirties, start now. Do something that ignites your spirit. Our actions teach our children far more than mere words ever could.
We can’t expect them to pursue their dreams if we aren’t willing to chase our own. We can’t encourage them to be true to themselves while we hide behind a facade. We can’t tell them to step into the light while we linger in darkness. We need to be authentic and embrace our humanity. If you want to make your child proud today, take that step for yourself.
Self-care isn’t just a luxury; it’s essential. It’s like the waves of the ocean, consistently returning to shore, filled with peace, joy, and hope. Life is chaotic, and we need to stop trying to control it. Jump into the mess, embrace spontaneity, and show your children that it’s okay to take that leap of faith.
For more insights on parenting and self-care, check out this helpful article and for expert advice, visit this authority on the topic. You’ll find valuable resources at this excellent site dedicated to pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, prioritizing self-care is vital not just for our own well-being but also for teaching our children valuable lessons about authenticity and self-love.