My breaking point hit when I made a quick stop at the grocery store to pick up some of my teenagers’ favorite snacks. They had turned their noses up at what I’d already bought for the week, and instead of telling them to deal with it, I found myself begrudgingly heading back to the store. It was the last place I wanted to be, especially with time slipping away.
As I stood at the self-checkout, simmering with resentment, I mentally prepared to confront them later. They had been taking me for granted, and I was fed up.
The next morning, I woke up to find several lights blazing from the previous night. My eldest, Jake, had stayed up late since it wasn’t a school night and completely ignored my reminders to turn them off. As soon as I got out of bed, he bombarded me with questions about why he had to cover the car insurance and registration fees for his vehicle. “Why can’t you just pay for it? I bought the car myself after a summer of hard work!” he demanded.
“Could you be any more selfish?” I snapped, snatching the cereal bar from his hands to drive my point home.
He had no idea why I was so upset.
I understand that teenagers can be self-centered. I’ve read plenty about it, and the fact that I sometimes feel like I’m living with three oblivious young adults has led me to do a bit of digging online. Why are they so wrapped up in themselves?
According to New Scientist, research indicates that “[t]eenagers are more selfish than adults because they use a different part of their brain to make decisions compared to adults.” Well, no surprise there.
While I get the science, I also know when I’ve had enough. I need my kids to see me as more than just a maid and an ATM. If I feel underappreciated, I’ll react—like changing the WiFi password and refusing to drive them around. That’s not an excuse for being rude.
I want my kids to learn the importance of money and understand what hard work entails. They should leave home equipped with compassion and an awareness of others’ needs. It’s crucial that they realize I’m not just a source of cash and that they need to communicate with me respectfully.
If Jake had approached me and said, “Mom, I’m a bit short on cash but really want to get my car on the road. Could you lend me a few bucks, and I promise to pay you back?” I would have been more than willing to help—especially if he’d taken out the trash and washed the dishes without me having to remind him ten times.
But his entitled tone and frustration when I told him “no” made me want to do nothing nice for him. I realized that if I wanted things to change, I had to take some responsibility and show my kids that their actions have consequences.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of doing everything for our kids because we want to show them love and provide them with more than we had growing up. But I’m also the one raising them, and part of that responsibility is reminding them how to treat others, especially those who provide for them.
There comes a point where we need to stop enabling them when we feel used. Recently, I had been letting my kids walk all over me.
It’s never too late to adjust our parenting approach, and I’m embracing some changes. From now on, I’ll only go grocery shopping once a week, regardless of my kids’ complaints about what’s in the pantry—except for essentials like toilet paper, feminine products, or those Lindt chocolate balls I refuse to share. Jake will have to work and save for his car expenses. I’m also setting clear boundaries to ensure I’m not taken for granted anymore.
This doesn’t mean my kids will magically turn into perfect angels, but I hope that establishing limits will make me feel less like a doormat. Plus, enjoying my chocolate in peace while not catering to their every whim will be a nice change.
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In summary, I’ve realized that establishing boundaries is crucial for raising responsible, compassionate kids. I’m taking a stand against feeling unappreciated, and I hope this shift will lead to a more respectful dynamic in our home.