95 Amusing Baseball Jokes to Keep You Entertained

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Baseball is undeniably a thrilling game, but even the most dedicated fans can find themselves yawning around the fifth inning, especially during a scoreless stretch. To keep the excitement alive during America’s beloved pastime, why not lighten the mood with some laughter? Here are over 95 amusing baseball jokes, puns, and one-liners that are sure to entertain you while you wait for that exhilarating seventh-inning stretch.

1. Why does a pitcher lift one leg when throwing? Because if he lifted both, he’d topple over!
2. Where’s the biggest diamond in NYC? Right at Yankee Stadium!
3. A man leaves home making three left turns and ends up back home, only to find two masked men waiting for him. Who are they? The catcher and the umpire!
4. Why did the Braves recruit a baker? They needed a new batter.
5. What encircles a baseball field but doesn’t move? The fence.
6. How are a pickpocket and an umpire different? One steals watches, the other watches steals.
7. When do baseball players need armor? During knight games!
8. What did the baseball glove say to the ball? “Catch ya later!”
9. Where do catchers sit during lunch? Right behind the plate.
10. Why is Yankee Stadium always cool? It’s filled with fans!
11. Why is it scorching at Phillies games? Because there’s not a fan in sight.
12. Did you hear? Detroit’s building a new stadium in secret. They’re worried the Tigers might find it and want to play there.
13. Heard the one about the pop fly? Forget it—it’s way over your head!
14. What are the rules for zebra baseball? Three stripes and you’re out!
15. I kept wondering why the baseball kept getting larger—then it hit me.
16. At a fire, a man shouts, “Jump! I’m a baseball player, I can catch you!” One smart resident asks, “What team do you play for?” “The Cincinnati Reds,” he replies. “Ehh, I’ll take my chances with the fire.”
17. Why did the Brookside Angels have a ghost on their team? To bring a little team spirit!
18. What does a baseball player do when he starts to lose his sight? He becomes an umpire.
19. Where do you keep your mitt while driving? In the glove compartment!
20. Which baseball player is the best at holding water? The pitcher!
21. Why are baseball games played at night? The bats need their beauty sleep during the day.
22. What’s the difference between Yankee fans and dentists? One roots for the Yanks, the other yanks for the roots.
23. What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team!
24. I love fall—it’s my chance to watch the World Series, just like the Dodgers!
25. How do baseball players stay connected? They touch base occasionally.
26. What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s dad? One’s a pop fly, the other’s a fly pop.
27. How long did the baseball player spend in the library? Five minutes—a short stop!
28. Why was Cinderella kicked off the baseball team? She ran away from the ball!
29. Why did the cop go to the baseball game? Someone stole second base!
30. Why are frogs good at baseball? They excel at catching flies.
31. A guy at a game wonders why the ball keeps getting bigger—then it hit him!
32. Did you hear the one about the fast pitch? Never mind, you just missed it!
33. Where does a baseball player go for a new uniform? New Jersey!
34. Why aren’t centipedes allowed on bug baseball teams? It takes too long to put their cleats on!
35. What runs around a baseball field without moving? A fence!
36. Something to think about: Why do we sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” when we’re already there?
37. How is a baseball team similar to a baker? They both need a good batter!
38. When does the Queen watch baseball? Only during knight games!
39. Which baseball player adored fireplaces? Mickey Mantle!
40. What animal excels at baseball? The bat!
41. What do baseball players dine on? Home plates!
42. Why was Cinderella terrible at baseball? She had a pumpkin for a coach!
43. What do you call 40 millionaires watching the World Series? The New York Yankees!
44. What’s the difference between a Royals fan and a baby? The baby stops whining eventually.
45. What do you get when you combine a tree with a baseball player? Babe Root!
46. What do baseball players use to bake? Oven mitts, bundt pans, and batter!
47. A scout found an incredible prospect—a horse who could field and hit every time. During his tryout, the horse hit the ball and just stood there. “Run!” the manager yelled. “Are you kidding? If I could run, I’d be in the Kentucky Derby!”
48. Who’s the most famous Los Angeles Dodger? O.J. Simpson!
49. What’s the difference between a Yankee Stadium hotdog and a Fenway Park hotdog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hotdog in October!
50. How many baseball players does it take to change a lightbulb? None—they’re too busy arguing about the last call!
51. Why did the cops attend the baseball game? They heard someone was stealing a base!
52. Why can’t you play baseball in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
53. Why is the stadium hot after the game? Because all the fans have left.
54. What does a baseball player do when he loses his sight? Become an umpire!
55. What did the hand say to the baseball? “You’re such a catch!”
56. Why did the sausage quit baseball? He was the wurst on his team.
57. What’s an umpire like when he’s angry? An angry chicken with a foul mouth!
58. Did you hear the joke about the baseball? It’ll leave you in stitches!
59. Two old friends in their 90s reminisce until one falls ill. The dying man promises to let his friend know if there’s baseball in heaven. After he dies, he returns and says, “Good news: there’s baseball. Bad news? You’re pitching Wednesday.”
60. Have you ever seen a line drive? No, but I’ve seen a baseball park!
61. Which takes longer to run: from first to second or from second to third? From second to third, because there’s a shortstop in the middle!
62. Where does a baseball player wash his socks? In the bleachers!
63. What do you get if you cross a pitcher with the Invisible Man? Pitching like no one has ever seen!
64. Which superhero excels in baseball? Batman!
65. What cartoon character is the best at baseball? Homer Simpson!
66. What’s a baseball player’s favorite thing at the park? The swings!
67. Why are singers great at baseball? They have perfect pitch!
68. What do you get when you mix a baseball player with a monster? A double header!
69. Why don’t baseball players join unions? They don’t like being called out on strikes!
70. Why did the baseball player shut down his website? He wasn’t getting any hits!
71. Why did the baseball player bring a pacifier to the game? He wanted to play like the Babe!
72. Why don’t matches play baseball? One strike and you’re out!
73. Manager: Our new infielder cost $10 million. I call him our “Wonder Player” because every time he plays, I wonder why I got him!
74. What’s the difference between a boy late for dinner and a baseball hit over the fence? One runs home, the other is a home run!
75. Two teams played a game, and the home team won without any player touching a base. How? They were all-women teams!
76. Where do coal diggers play baseball? In the miner (minor) leagues!
77. How can you pitch a winning game without throwing a ball? Just throw strikes!
78. Why did the batter go crazy? The pitcher kept throwing screwballs!
79. If a basketball team were chasing a baseball team, what time would it be? Five after nine (9:05)!
80. Where does a catcher sit for dinner? Behind the plate!
81. Did you hear about your pitching style? Never mind, it’s foul!
82. Two guys walk through hell when it starts to snow. One says, “Finally, the Cubs won the World Series!”
83. What’s the difference between Yankee fans and dentists? One roots for the Yanks, the other yanks for the roots!
84. You’re trapped in a car with just a baseball bat. How do you get out? Unlock the door, of course!
85. Why couldn’t the fans get soda at the doubleheader? Because the home team lost the opener!
86. Why don’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is!
87. There was a pitcher so terrible that the crowd sang “Take Him Out to the Ballgame!”
88. Why was the mummy sent in as a pinch hitter? Because the manager knew once he sent the mummy in, the game would be all wrapped up!
89. One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. The Lord grinned and said, “That’s fine, but you know we have all the top players, Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and the best coaches.” The devil replied, “That’s okay, we’ve got all the umpires!”
90. Which baseball manager was arrested for arson as a teen? Sparky Anderson!
91. Which baseball player is a fruitarian? Darryl Strawberry!
92. Why did the police arrest the baseball player? He stole third base!
93. What do you get when you mix a baseball pitcher with a carpet? A throw rug!
94. The pitcher had great control today—didn’t miss a bat for three innings!
95. If brownie mix is on first base, pudding on second, and cookie dough on third, who’s hitting at the plate? The cake batter!

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In summary, baseball jokes and puns can bring a smile during slow moments of the game. Whether you’re at the ballpark or watching from home, these jokes are perfect for keeping spirits high.