Is this trend of judgment and competition among moms a new phenomenon fueled by social media? Or did our mothers and grandmothers experience similar rivalries, just without the constant exposure on platforms like Instagram and Facebook? Regardless of how we got here, it’s clear that this is the reality we face now. Celebrities endure it, and so do everyday moms like us.
You can’t celebrate your success in pumping a full bottle of milk without someone accusing you of shaming those who choose not to breastfeed. Sharing your sleep training struggles can lead to accusations of being cruel or neglectful. Make a lighthearted remark about your son breaking things around the house, and suddenly you’re labeled sexist for implying that only boys are rowdy.
We get it. We understand that many mothers face challenges with breastfeeding or opt not to breastfeed at all. We acknowledge that sleep training isn’t right for everyone. We also recognize that girls can be just as adventurous and messy as boys.
Sometimes, we’re merely sharing our own experiences, not invalidating yours. In fact, we invite you to share your stories too! There’s room for everyone at the motherhood table—whether you’re a breastfeeding mom, a formula-feeding mom, a working mom, or a stay-at-home mom; whether you have boys, girls, or a mix, or even children who identify as transgender or nonbinary.
I’ve spent over a decade as a stay-at-home mom who transitioned to working from home. I’ve shared stories about raising both a gifted child and a wild one who seems to break everything in sight. I’ve opened up about battling stay-at-home mom depression and my journey with breastfeeding. I’ve talked about the joys and challenges of parenting boys and a girl, and everything that comes with those experiences. I’ve shared my struggles with potty training and the constant worry of my child having life-threatening allergies.
Generally, I receive supportive comments like, “I totally relate!” or “Thank you for sharing; it makes me feel less isolated.” Occasionally, someone shares their contrasting experience, like “I used the three-day potty training method and it worked wonders!” That’s perfectly fine! It’s one of the beautiful aspects of social media—providing a space for moms to discuss their unique experiences.
But issues arise when one mom’s story differs from another’s and someone feels offended. For example, if you choose to breastfeed your baby at the zoo, it doesn’t mean you’re judging the formula-feeding mom at home; you’re simply feeding your child while enjoying a trip.
Why do we do this to each other? Who among us has the ultimate authority on motherhood? I certainly don’t. I mess up all the time. My kids eat way too much junk food, and I frequently struggle to keep their rooms tidy. Just the other day, one of my kids called another a dumbass, and I’m pretty sure we’re behind on well-child visits. (But hey, they got their flu shots! So I’m not a total disaster, right?)
The essence of my story doesn’t negate yours. When I joke about my six-year-old’s wild antics, it’s not to say that girls don’t also engage in rambunctious behavior. My daughter is more reserved, happily crafting instead of climbing and jumping.
I often discuss the challenges of being a stay-at-home parent, which inevitably leads to debates about who has it tougher—stay-at-home moms or working moms. I would never claim that working moms have it easy. I see and respect the hard work they put into balancing their careers and families.
My experiences are simply mine. I know the struggles of being home with young children all day. When I talk about feeling isolated or battling feelings of depression while managing the chaos, I’m not trying to undermine the lives of those who work outside the home.
It’s not a competition. My narrative doesn’t diminish anyone else’s, nor is it meant to criticize or comment on their journeys.
What’s disheartening is that a post intended to bring comfort or connection can devolve into negativity and conflict among parents who should really be supporting one another.
So, how about we change this dynamic? If you come across a post about homeschooling or toddler tantrums that doesn’t apply to your life, consider that it may resonate with other mothers who are navigating different paths. And if you’re someone who doesn’t engage in organic parenting, remember that it’s okay for others to share their experiences without it being a judgment against your choices.
Let’s aim to create a more supportive environment online. If someone openly criticizes you, then feel free to respond, but most of us are simply sharing our stories to find camaraderie or solace amidst the chaos.
Here’s my truth: I breastfed. If that’s not your path, let’s talk. I attend church. If that’s not your thing, I’m still here for you. I often wear leggings and sweatshirts, while you might take an hour to get ready. That’s cool; we can still connect. My house is often a mess, and if yours is pristine, I’d love to hear how you manage that.
We may be different, but those differences don’t have to divide us. In fact, they could even lead to friendship—just be warned, my kids might break something in your house, so maybe it’s safer to come visit me!
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In summary, let’s embrace our unique experiences without judgment. We’re all on different paths, and sharing our stories should uplift rather than divide us.