Trigger warning: mental illness, suicide
While scrolling through my college-aged child’s phone—after they granted me permission—I was taken aback by the revelations I uncovered. Jamie was squandering significant amounts of money on food and drinks for their friends. The photos I found depicted Jamie partying at all hours, sometimes even during class. Their late-night texts were often incoherent and sent to multiple contacts. Certain apps hinted at risky sexual behavior, and social media posts suggested that Jamie was fabricating conflicts and sharing unbelievable stories as if they were real. Among the bizarre content, I stumbled upon distressing posts where Jamie expressed suicidal thoughts.
At that moment, Jamie was asleep in a hospital bed, recovering from a severe suicide attempt that had led to a lengthy hospitalization. Ultimately, they would leave inpatient care with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, likely triggered by stress, poor sleep, and substance use. It would be a long time before Jamie could return to school.
I don’t hold their diagnosis solely responsible for the friends who encouraged Jamie to foot the bill for meals or skip classes for parties. However, I am left to wonder why none of those friends thought to motivate Jamie to seek help or reach out to a professional at school or to us. I wish I could tell them that what they considered normal aspects of college life were, in fact, warning signs of unhealthy relationships, often at Jamie’s expense.
Such behaviors are not typical for college students, regardless of how carefree we like to portray that phase of life. The indicators of mental health challenges were unmistakable. Jamie entered college as a shy, diligent student who never missed classes or deadlines, often stressing if any assignment was not finished a day prior to its due date. Their social media was filled with family snapshots and uplifting quotes.
The erratic behaviors and risk-taking Jamie exhibited were clear markers of mental distress; either no one noticed, or no one cared enough to investigate why Jamie was acting out of character. These new behaviors turned my child into the life of the party, the adventurous new student who provided free meals and entertainment. Why would anyone want to change that?
In contrast, our family noticed the shifts and suggested that Jamie seek mental health support, perhaps even come home for us to support them during inpatient care. When Jamie communicated these suggestions to their friends, the responses ranged from “your parents are out of touch” to “your parents don’t know you like we do.” Ironically, people who had only known Jamie for a few weeks were claiming to understand them better than we did.
According to a helpful mental health guide from College Stats, about 30% of college students believe that their mental health challenges interfere with their education. A staggering 50% rate their mental health as below average, and only 40% of those struggling seek help. Meanwhile, only 7% of parents believe their college-aged children are facing mental health issues, likely due to distance and the natural separation that occurs during this stage of life.
As parents, while we help our teens prepare for college applications and exams, it’s essential to have open discussions about mental health. We must equip them to recognize the signs of mental illness in themselves and others. Major behavioral changes—such as excessive spending, erratic texting, shifts in social and sexual behaviors, and frequent physical complaints—can all indicate underlying mental health issues. Our teens must be aware of these signs.
Excessive alcohol consumption, especially during the first few weeks of college, is common but can be particularly hazardous. Choosing drinking over attending to responsibilities is not normal and can indicate mental health struggles or addiction. Teens should understand this before they step foot on campus.
It’s crucial for our youth to realize that suicide is the third leading cause of death among individuals aged 14-24, with one in ten college students having made a solid plan for suicide. When I asked Jamie’s friends why they didn’t seek help after seeing the concerning social media posts, they believed Jamie’s exaggerated claims about family neglect and thought they could manage the situation themselves. We need to educate our teens that they are not equipped to handle such serious threats and that professional help is necessary.
A new friend who is always ready to party and whose unpredictable behavior seems entertaining might hide serious mental health issues, just like Jamie. Teens should be prepared to recognize when a new friend may need professional and familial support. They should also familiarize themselves with their school’s mental health resources and know how to respond if a friend shows suicidal tendencies. These conversations need to happen before they head off to college.
For those looking for more information about mental health and its implications, check out this excellent resource from the CDC. Additionally, understanding diagnostic procedures is essential, and you can find more on that topic as well.
In summary, uncovering Jamie’s mental health struggles through their phone was a wake-up call. As parents, we must take an active role in discussing mental health with our teens, helping them recognize the signs of distress in themselves and their peers. By fostering open communication and awareness, we can prepare our children for the challenges that college life may bring.