“Oh my goodness, I am so scatterbrained today. I must be ADD!”
“My child takes forever to get her shoes on in the mornings. She definitely has ADHD!”
These are comments often made by individuals who don’t have a formal ADHD diagnosis, and it’s easy to see why they might not seem problematic at first glance. However, as a parent of a 13-year-old navigating life with ADHD, I find such remarks troubling for several reasons.
ADHD is characterized by specific diagnostic criteria. It’s uncommon for someone to be on the fence about having ADHD. While there are various factors and presentations of the disorder, the criteria remain fairly straightforward. A comprehensive checklist must be completed by several individuals who interact daily with the person being evaluated, and a specific number of symptoms must be met before a diagnosis is granted.
Simply put, if your child is occasionally distracted but manages to complete schoolwork without assistance and maintains grades that reflect their understanding, they likely don’t meet the criteria for ADHD. The diagnosis exists to identify behaviors that disrupt a person’s life, allowing them to seek appropriate help. After all, the term “disorder” implies that the condition adversely affects multiple areas of life.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V), symptoms like inattention, excessive talking, and fidgeting must occur in more than one setting and persist for over six months. Most importantly, these symptoms must “interfere with or diminish the quality of social, academic, or work functioning.” In simpler terms, the symptoms have to genuinely impact the child’s well-being. A child who is occasionally forgetful yet otherwise doing well does not have ADHD.
Using ADHD as a casual descriptor trivializes the experiences of those truly affected by it. Just as it irks someone with OCD to hear, “I need my desk organized perfectly; I’m so OCD!” or frustrates someone with bipolar disorder when another says, “I’m feeling so bipolar this week,” those with ADHD may not appreciate hearing someone joke about their occasional distractions as if it were a matter of ADHD.
For individuals genuinely living with ADHD, the disorder infiltrates nearly every aspect of daily life. My son has faced challenges from a young age, often being told that his best efforts were insufficient. One of his teachers, fully aware of his diagnosis, once remarked that he “wasn’t even trying” while teaching in a dark room, making it difficult for him to focus.
Moreover, my son notices how easily his peers can concentrate during tests or complete homework assignments. He has voiced frustration over his own attention difficulties, making light-hearted comments about ADHD feel dismissive and hurtful. Without medication, he struggles in various settings, particularly in school, where focus is paramount. The impulsivity tied to ADHD can also create social hurdles, as blurting out comments or making unexpected noises can hinder friendships, especially during middle school.
Parenting a child with ADHD presents unique challenges not faced by parents of neurotypical children. There have been moments where I’ve doubted my parenting skills, losing patience and yelling at my son over issues tied to his disorder, which only adds to my guilt. It’s a different sensation than getting upset over typical childish behavior; it feels heavier when you realize your child can’t control their actions.
Having a daughter without ADHD highlights the stark differences in parenting styles. I strive to support my son while fostering his independence, understanding he doesn’t mean to be forgetful or distracted. I must reinforce skills to help him stay organized, using immediate rewards and consequences to aid his learning.
Parents of ADHD children must be proactive, anticipating their child’s needs and developing strategies to help manage behaviors. There’s no room for complacency. So when I hear parents joking about their children’s occasional distractions as “being ADHD,” it’s frustrating.
That said, I don’t want to overlook your challenges. If you genuinely suspect you or your child might have ADHD, it’s crucial to discuss these concerns with someone knowledgeable. Friends with experience can discern the difference between light-hearted comments and a serious inquiry, like “I think we might have a problem; can I ask about your experience?” I am always open to sharing how my son has thrived despite his ADHD diagnosis and even found positives in it. Additionally, it’s important to consult a medical professional to assess whether a diagnosis is warranted.
In the meantime, please consider how casual remarks might affect those with ADHD. It’s a serious disorder with specific diagnostic criteria, and being momentarily distracted does not mean one has it.
For additional insights on navigating parenting challenges, check out this related blog post here. And for more information on effective communication with children, visit this resource. If you’re looking for guidance on pregnancy and home insemination, this resource is an excellent place to start.
Summary:
This article discusses the misapplication of ADHD terminology in casual conversation, emphasizing that ADHD is a serious disorder with specific diagnostic criteria. It highlights the impact of ADHD on daily life and parenting, while encouraging thoughtful dialogue about the condition.