Dear J.R.,
There are moments when I come across something in the news that makes me have to put my phone down or step away from my desk to avoid damaging something valuable. Today, that moment was when I learned about actor/rapper J.R. boasting about attending his 18-year-old daughter’s gynecological appointments to ensure her hymen remains intact. Yes, you read that right.
He seems to take great pride in this intrusive behavior, eager to share it with the world. In a podcast interview, he revealed that he joins his daughter for her annual doctor visits, all in the name of checking her virginity status.
He stated, “We’ll go and sit down, and the doctor maintains a high level of professionalism.” Well, of course, that’s part of their job. After explaining how the doctor requires his daughter’s consent to share any information, J.R. goes on to say, “I’m like, ‘Hey, they want you to sign this so we can share information. Is there anything you wouldn’t want me to know? See, Doc? No problem.’”
Let’s be clear: this is not a true choice for his daughter. The concept of “my body, my choice” is nowhere to be found in this scenario. This man seems to thrive on humiliating his daughter, making her feel that her father has a say in when and how she loses her virginity.
Did I mention she is 18? A legal adult! Yet even if she weren’t, the actions here are toxic, creepy, and incredibly frustrating. As a mother of a teenage girl, if her father ever suggested joining her for such a visit, I would ensure he faced serious consequences for such emotional manipulation.
Why would anyone want to inflict psychological harm on their own daughter, making her feel like she is their property? Regardless of age, no parent has ownership over their child’s body or sexuality. This kind of purity culture is abusive and leads to absurd situations like this. You should never accompany your child into an examination room to demand proof of their virginity.
What you should do is engage in conversations about sex openly and frequently. Answer their questions honestly. Teach them about consent and boundaries. But you must not invade their privacy or demand they sign forms for you to access personal information. You absolutely do not build a foundation of consent and self-respect by stripping your child of their bodily autonomy.
Moreover, asking for someone to confirm the state of a hymen is misguided. Many activities, like biking or horseback riding, can cause a hymen to tear, and some women are born without one. It’s clear that a little education is needed here, rather than parading around with claims of parental control over your daughter’s well-being.
J.R., treat your daughter with the respect she deserves. Engage in conversations that acknowledge her autonomy and understand that her body is hers to manage, not a piece of property to inspect.
Honestly, if I were in her shoes, I wouldn’t stand for this behavior. Have you considered how this might impact her self-esteem, her future relationships, and her mental health? Clearly, that’s not a thought that crosses your mind.
The level of entitlement you exhibited by discussing this publicly is alarming. It’s a poor example for your daughter and a source of trauma and pain.
In conclusion, if you truly cared about your daughter’s well-being, you’d foster a relationship built on trust and respect rather than control and invasiveness.
For more insights into personal autonomy and parenting, check out this other blog post. And if you’re interested in understanding the details of insemination processes, visit this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary: The article critiques J.R.’s invasive behavior toward his daughter regarding her virginity. It emphasizes the importance of respecting a child’s autonomy over their body and sexuality, rejecting the toxic aspects of purity culture. Open communication about sex, consent, and boundaries is encouraged instead of control and humiliation.