The other night, my partner Jake shyly messaged me from his home office, asking if he could redeem one of his birthday coupons—a special “free pass” I made for him to use when he needs immediate forgiveness after a rough day or a misstep. We exchange these little tokens every few months, and they’ve worked wonders for keeping our relationship strong amidst the chaos of parenting.
Truth be told, Jake was in desperate need of that pass. He had been struggling for several days, falling short on household responsibilities and failing to communicate about issues that were piling up. Normally, I would voice my frustrations, but during this particularly overwhelming phase, I lost my cool and unleashed a torrent of expletives.
When I received his text, I was deep in a moment of tears, feeling the weight of everything. I quickly dug out the envelope containing his birthday coupons and replied, “Consider it redeemed.” Just then, he appeared in front of me, and we shared a hug that turned my tears into gentle sobs. That’s when Jake looked into my tired eyes and said words I desperately needed to hear: “You have a lot going on, sweetheart. It’s okay. I forgive you. I love you.” And just like that, the tears flowed again.
I’m exhausted, friends. Motherhood can be incredibly tough. Even though Jake tries hard to be a supportive partner, I often feel alone on this chaotic ride. Yes, he has been learning to navigate our shared parenting responsibilities and, while I wish he was as meticulous as I am, he genuinely puts in effort most of the time.
Yet, even with his contributions, I still find it hard to fully relax and trust that I have the support I need. The number of responsibilities keeps multiplying, and even when some are taken off my plate, more seem to appear in their place. The mental burden of motherhood is very real, even with a partner who is genuinely helpful.
The truth is, chronic sleep deprivation is doing a number on me. I often feel like my brain has been replaced with cotton candy. I rely on coffee—usually multiple cups—just to function, yet I’m still left with reminders scrawled on my hands that I know I won’t remember later. After starting antidepressants last month, I find myself struggling to fall back asleep after being awakened by my kids, my mind racing with an endless to-do list.
That ever-growing list includes birthdays, appointments, therapy sessions, and even dealing with debt collectors. Each day feels like a never-ending cycle of chores and responsibilities, and I seldom manage to check everything off. Sure, I sometimes delegate tasks, but the sheer weight of it all often makes it hard for me to even think about asking for help. I’m stuck in a fog where I know I need support, yet when the moment arises, I forget that I even wanted it.
In an effort to ease the burden, Jake and I moved across the country with our two young kids to be closer to family. We were overwhelmed in our previous city, where we could only afford a small townhouse and one car. My mental health was deteriorating quickly. After losing my main freelance job, I found myself desperate to find work again but unable to invest in daycare to help me search. Thus, I spent every waking moment with my kids, which was a challenge.
We hoped that relocating would help us slow down and reduce our financial strain. While Jake’s family has been incredibly supportive, they also have their own responsibilities. Childcare may be cheaper here, but the options are limited. Although we’re still dealing with financial stress, new challenges keep cropping up, leaving us feeling like we’re barely keeping our heads above water.
Recently, I faced a major setback when I was diagnosed with complex PTSD and required an emergency room visit. Apparently, the stress of motherhood can intensify symptoms of panic disorder—who knew? Therapy has been a lifeline, and my antidepressants are making daily life feel more manageable. Jake is also working on his own mental health, seeing a counselor for the first time and putting in the effort to address his shortcomings as a partner. I’m learning to ask for help more often and to give myself grace.
The journey of motherhood is tough, and it’s clear that no one hands you a life raft. You have to seek it out yourself, and often the weight of “the mother load” pushes you to do so. As mothers, we instinctively prioritize our children’s needs above our own, sometimes even placing our partners on that raft before we climb aboard ourselves. It takes a conscious effort to ensure we carve out space for ourselves too, which is frustratingly necessary in this day and age.
So, am I going to give you a comforting conclusion? Yes, but it’s not an easy one to digest if you’re already feeling worn out. If you’re willing to confront your feelings of overwhelm and advocate for your needs, you’ll develop a resilience that lasts beyond the hectic years of motherhood. I’m not just talking about the superhero mom you’re already becoming; I’m referring to a strength you can offer yourself for the long haul. It’s a challenge to prioritize your own well-being, but it’s essential.
Amid the endless chores, sleepless nights, and chaos, I’ve come to realize that I deserve the mental space to think beyond my to-do list. I deserve love and support on this journey. I deserve rest when I’m drained. And I absolutely deserve to give myself a “free pass” just as I gave to Jake the other night.
For more on navigating family life, check out this insightful piece on home insemination. If you’re looking for family activity ideas, this resource is quite helpful. And for valuable information on pregnancy, here’s an excellent resource that dives deeper into the topic.
In summary, while the challenges of motherhood can be daunting, acknowledging your own needs and seeking support is crucial for your well-being.