Did you ever hear the men in your life joking about wielding a shotgun when a boy came to pick you up? Or worse, do you remember them being serious about it? Watching a nervous teen face off against your armed father while threats were thrown around must have been surreal. If that sounds absurd to you, it is, yet this is still the reality for many girls and women today. Just take a glance at social media. Whether meant as a joke or not, using gun violence as a threat is no laughing matter; it only serves to harm the daughters these fathers claim to be protecting. And believe me, it infuriates the mothers of those boys who won’t stand for such nonsense.
What a fantastic way to start prom night — an event teenagers look forward to for years! Great job, Dad. A perfect mix of awkward puberty jokes and gun threats. Just wonderful. So, what’s the message here? Only boys are sexual while girls must remain “pure”? This not only suggests weakness but also sends a confusing and damaging message.
As a mother of two boys who will one day be teens nervously picking up their dates, I have to say that your outdated threats can be taken elsewhere. I’m working hard to raise my boys to be respectful, kind, and responsible. Sure, they might be hormonal and excited for some time alone with their date, but I want them to think rationally, not let their impulses dictate their actions.
I’m instilling in them the importance of treating others with respect, understanding consent, and the necessity of open communication in relationships. They need to know that every action carries consequences, and they are accountable for their choices.
And here’s something else you should know: I’m also raising a daughter. She will learn those same values. She will understand the importance of self-respect, consent, and healthy relationships, just as my sons will. Threatening violence only harms the daughters you are trying to “protect,” and it angers the mothers of boys who will not tolerate such junk.
The way I’m raising my kids has no room for your outdated patriarchal beliefs that suggest “my daughter can’t fend for herself, so I’ll intimidate any boy who comes around.” It’s 2023. For the sake of all our children, let’s move into modern times. Instead of resorting to threats, let’s teach our daughters how to protect themselves, communicate their needs, and choose partners who value mutual respect and consent.
Your actions don’t just communicate to that nervous boy on your porch; they send a damaging message to your daughter—the one you claim to love. You’re telling her that you don’t trust her or believe in her ability to handle herself. You’re implying that she makes poor choices in partners.
And for those men who say, “it’s just a joke,” please spare me. It’s neither funny nor harmless. It creates harm and makes you appear foolish. Seriously, step out of your bubble and recognize that teenagers are engaging in sexual relationships. Ignoring this reality doesn’t help anyone. Did you know that parents who talk openly with their kids about sex have children who engage in safer behaviors?
The U.S. has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates among developed nations, and waving a shotgun in the face of a teenage boy won’t change that. In fact, countries like the Netherlands, which have much lower teen pregnancy rates, approach these conversations differently. A study highlighted in The Los Angeles Times showed that Dutch teens are more likely to have loving relationships and openly discuss boundaries and protection with their partners. The difference is that Dutch parents educate their kids about sex, pleasure, and healthy relationships, while American parents tend to focus on fear and risk.
So, who is truly “protecting” their kids when our pregnancy rates are so high? Let’s instead equip ALL of our kids with knowledge about safe sex. Rather than arming boys with condoms and threatening girls’ dates, let’s provide comprehensive education and resources that promote healthy behaviors and mutual respect.
In the end, your daughter is likely to have experiences once she leaves your home. You can either choose to be a responsible adult by discussing these realities with her or cling to outdated threats that will likely lead to unsafe choices and angry mothers.
In summary, it’s time to ditch the outdated notions of “protecting” daughters through intimidation. Instead, let’s foster open communication and education about healthy relationships and consent.
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