There’s a memorable scene from an early episode of a popular show where the main character, Carrie, goes on her first date with Mr. Big, and they end up sleeping together by the end of the night. Back in my twenties, I was taken aback by the idea of having sex on a first date. Fast forward to my thirties, and especially as a single mom, I now see it as a smart choice. I don’t have the luxury of time to go on multiple dates just to gauge sexual compatibility.
When you take control of your own desires, sex on the first date can be thrilling. There’s something exciting about the intimacy of being with someone new, and the build-up of sexual tension throughout the evening leads to an exhilarating release. My time for dating is limited, often dictated by my son’s schedule, so I feel like I need to make every moment count. If it doesn’t happen on the first date, who knows when we might get another opportunity?
One of the perks of being in my thirties is that I can quickly recognize when I’m attracted to someone. If the chemistry is there, why play games? I’ve learned that being clear about my sexual desires is incredibly freeing, though it took time to rewire my mindset. For years, societal pressures made me feel guilty about wanting sex. The messages women receive about needing to be “respectable” often weigh heavily, and one-night stands can be stigmatized as “slutty” or “trashy.” These judgments start from a young age and can create unnecessary guilt around enjoying sex.
A friend of mine in college often shamed me for my casual encounters, suggesting I needed to value myself more. Those sentiments stuck with me, even though most people around me didn’t seem to care. In my first serious relationship, I held back on sex because I thought it would jeopardize our future. We had undeniable chemistry, yet I waited until we were officially a couple to sleep together, but it didn’t affect our six-year relationship in the way I feared.
When I returned to dating recently, I made a conscious decision to silence those nagging voices. It’s normal to feel sexual chemistry in relationships, and giving in to those feelings doesn’t have to be shameful. Having sex on a first date feels empowering, and I remind myself that it’s okay to pursue what feels good.
Dating in my thirties has brought a newfound confidence about what I want. If I’m inclined to have sex on the first date, I’m going to embrace that. Why should I care about what others think? What transpires in my bedroom is between me and my partner.
Often, some relationships are purely physical. Not everyone is searching for a deep emotional connection; sometimes, they want to enjoy each other’s company in a more intimate way. So why wait? We need to shed outdated societal norms that dictate our happiness. Choosing to engage in sex on the first date simply reflects a confident individual who knows what they want.
As long as both partners are consenting adults, why not enjoy the experience?
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In summary, embracing the choice to have sex on the first date can be liberating, especially as we break free from outdated societal norms. Confidence and clear communication about desires can lead to enjoyable experiences without guilt or shame.