Growing up, did you ever hear the men in your life joking about brandishing a shotgun when a boy came to take you out? Or were they serious when they said it? Did you witness a teenage boy face your armed dad and hear threats about his life if he dared to touch you? If this sounds ridiculous, it is—but it’s still a reality for many girls and women today. A quick glance at social media confirms that whether made in jest or not, threatening a young person with gun violence is not a joke and only serves to harm the daughters these fathers claim to protect. And it definitely frustrates the mothers of those boys who won’t tolerate such nonsense.
Great way to kick off prom night, right? What a fantastic way to kick off an evening teenagers eagerly anticipate for years. Bravo, Dad. A puberty and gun joke all rolled into one—fantastic!
So, the message here seems to be that boys are sexual beings while girls must remain… pure? Is this the impression you intend to convey? It appears you’re trying to “protect” them while simultaneously undermining their strength.
As a mother of two boys who will someday nervously pick up their dates for prom, you can take your outdated “shotgun” threats (regardless of whether you think they’re funny) and keep them to yourself. Because I am tirelessly raising respectful, kind boys who deserve to be treated with respect in return. Will they be hormonal and eager for some alone time with their date? Perhaps. Will they always make rational choices instead of letting their hormones dictate their decisions? I hope so, but it’s uncertain.
What I do know is that I am teaching them to respect others, including the person they are dating. I am instilling in them the significance of consent, communication, love, and safety in relationships. They must also understand that their actions have consequences and that they are accountable for those actions.
And here’s another crucial point: I also have a daughter. And I am raising her with the same values. She will learn to respect others and herself. She will understand consent and the importance of communication, love, and safety in her relationships. She will be taught that her actions carry consequences and that she is responsible for them.
Threatening gun violence only serves to harm the daughters these dads are supposedly trying to “protect.” It infuriates the mothers of boys who will not stand for such behavior.
Nowhere in my parenting approach is there room for your twisted patriarchal mindset that suggests “my daughter can’t take care of herself or make mature decisions, so I’ll intimidate any boy who comes around.” It’s the 21st century, folks. For the sake of all our kids, let’s step into the modern age. Put down the shotgun and instead empower your daughter with knowledge—teach her self-defense, how to express her desires, and how to choose partners who value mutual respect and consent.
Because your message isn’t just aimed at that nervous boy on your porch; it’s directed at your daughter—the one you profess to love and protect. You’re telling her that you don’t believe in her or trust her, and that you haven’t adequately prepared her for life outside your doorstep.
And for those men ready with the “it’s just a joke” excuse, save it. It’s not funny, and it’s damaging. Seriously, it’s time to emerge from your outdated mindset and recognize that teenagers engage in sexual activity. The more we ignore this reality, the more harm we do. Research shows that parents who have open discussions about sex with their children tend to have kids who engage in safer and healthier behaviors.
Yes, the U.S. has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates among industrialized nations, but waving a shotgun at teenage boys (or joking about it) won’t change that. This is backed up by studies comparing American and Dutch teens, which show that while American girls engage in sexual activity at younger ages and with more partners, Dutch teens approach relationships with more openness and respect.
The main difference? Dutch parents talk candidly with their children about sex, pleasure, and the importance of loving relationships, whereas many American parents focus on risks and dangers and make foolish jokes.
The truth is, teenagers are going to have sex—whether in the U.S., the Netherlands, or anywhere else. Dutch parents acknowledge this and responsibly address it, while American parents often prefer to hide behind their guns. So, who’s really protecting their kids here?
Let’s change the narrative. Instead of just arming our boys with condoms and intimidating our daughters’ dates, let’s equip ALL our children with education, resources, and knowledge to foster healthy relationships and prevent unwanted pregnancies and STIs. Every child should feel empowered and respected, rather than intimidated by an insecure father compensating with bravado.
The reality is, your daughter is likely to have sexual experiences once she leaves your home. You can choose to have mature conversations with her about it, or you can continue to hide behind tired gun jokes. The latter will only lead to unsafe choices for your teen and a growing group of mothers who won’t tolerate threats against their sons.
In summary, it’s past time to abandon these outdated practices. Encourage open discussions about relationships, consent, and safety to foster a healthier environment for all teenagers.
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