In an early episode of Sex and the City, Carrie experiences her first date with Mr. Big, culminating in an unexpected sexual encounter. As a young adult, I found the idea of intimacy on a first date shocking. Fast forward to my 30s, and as a single mother, I now view it as a pragmatic choice. With my busy schedule, waiting for multiple dates to assess sexual compatibility simply isn’t feasible.
When sex happens on my terms, it can be exhilarating. The excitement of being with someone new, combined with the tension that builds throughout the date, makes the experience all the more rewarding. My role as my son’s primary caregiver means my dating opportunities are limited, often dictated by his schedule. This sense of urgency makes the idea of intimacy on the first date feel almost essential. If we don’t seize the moment, we might not have another chance for a while. While building anticipation can be thrilling, there are times when I simply don’t want to wait.
One of the significant advantages of dating at this stage in my life is the clarity I have about my desires. When I feel a strong attraction, I recognize it quickly, and if the chemistry is mutual, I see no reason to hesitate. Why waste precious time playing hard to get? Being honest about my sexual needs has been liberating, though it hasn’t come without challenges. It took considerable mental reprogramming to embrace my desires fully. For years, I internalized the belief that engaging in casual sex would undermine my self-respect. The notion that women who sleep with partners without commitment are “slutty” or “trashy” is a narrative we’ve been fed since childhood.
Reflecting on my college days, I remember a friend who would shame me for casual flings, insisting I needed to respect myself more. Her disapproving comments lingered in my mind, shaping my views even after our friendship ended. Looking back, I realize that nobody else ever judged me for my choices, except for her.
During my first serious relationship in my early 20s, I held the belief that having sex too soon would ruin any potential for a deeper connection. Despite our obvious physical chemistry, I made him wait until we were officially together. We lasted six years, and I can confidently say that waiting didn’t impact our bond.
As I re-entered the dating scene last year, I consciously worked to silence those nagging voices. Recognizing that sexual chemistry is a natural part of relationships helped me feel more at ease with my desires. If having sex on the first date feels good, then why shouldn’t I indulge in that experience? It’s essential to prioritize what makes us feel fulfilled without guilt.
Dating in my 30s has granted me the confidence to pursue what I want. If that means being intimate on the first date, I’m all for it. I’ve grown indifferent to others’ opinions, particularly regarding my sex life. What happens in my bedroom is my business alone.
Some connections are purely physical, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Not everyone is seeking a deep emotional bond; some are simply looking for enjoyable experiences. So if sex is on the agenda, why wait? We should break free from outdated societal norms that dictate how we pursue happiness. Engaging in intimacy on the first date doesn’t define us negatively; it reflects confidence and a willingness to embrace our desires.
As consenting adults, let’s celebrate our choices and enjoy the moments that bring us joy.
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Summary:
This article explores the author’s evolving perspective on having sex on the first date, especially as a single mother in her 30s. It discusses the empowerment that comes with embracing one’s sexual desires, the challenges faced due to societal expectations, and the importance of prioritizing personal happiness.