I used to see them strolling past the playground, hardly ever stepping foot on the equipment. These women, with their elementary and middle school-aged children, appeared blissfully carefree. They would exchange laughter with fellow confident moms while their kids dashed ahead or trailed behind, seemingly self-sufficient.
No strollers were in sight. No one was holding hands to cross the street. They weren’t rifling through diaper bags for a Band-Aid or a tissue. They carried only stylish bags, perhaps with a fresh baguette poking out. I dubbed them Confident Moms of Older Kids (CMOKs), and I couldn’t stand them.
From a distance, I could hear real conversations taking place. These were not the tedious negotiations over toddler tantrums or the monotonous “uh-huh” exchanges I was stuck in. Instead, these CMOKs were animatedly discussing a Broadway show they’d attended or a school project their kids managed independently. I was stuck half-heartedly pushing a swing, urging my child to “Pump your legs!” while navigating preschool drama. I often wished I could just disappear.
If I managed to make eye contact with a CMOK, I would hastily brush crumbs from my hair or dab on some lip gloss, thinking, “Oh, please don’t look at me!” Yet, deep down, I admired them. Their kids were growing up, and they had reached a stage I desperately wanted to experience—one where bathroom stalls were no longer shared and everyone could serve themselves breakfast and snacks. A tantrum-free zone where no one needed to recite affirmations like, “I’m still me!”
When you’re in the thick of motherhood, it can be difficult to remember that you’re still an individual. I’m nearing 50—definitely not pushing strollers anymore. My children are now 9 and 12, and somehow I’ve morphed into the very CMOK I used to resent. If I spot you in a public restroom changing a diaper, I’ll likely look away because… well, that’s a bit gross. If I see you with your snotty toddler in a café, I’ll deliberately choose a seat as far away from you as possible. It’s a strange twist on the old saying, “There but for the grace of God go I.” Because I know that world all too well.
Maybe you’re reveling in your life with little ones! Perhaps you see me wandering the neighborhood alone, having left my children at home, and think how fortunate you are that your tiny dependents are so needy. You might enjoy the simple tasks of cutting grapes and wiping bottoms. You may perceive my moments of solitude as lonely, and maybe I am pondering menopause… but I also relish the freedom of sending my 12-year-old to the store.
I appreciate not needing a babysitter for a spontaneous dinner with my husband. I cherish weekend afternoons where I can pick up a book and read uninterrupted. I’m thrilled to have escaped the playgrounds and to hear about the exciting things my kids are doing in the world without me while I share my own experiences.
For some mothers, embracing their current phase is a necessary coping mechanism. If that works for you, fantastic! But it didn’t resonate with me back on the playground. It’s okay to admit that I’m more suited to this stage of motherhood than I was for the earlier one. Perhaps that’s why CMOKs bothered me so much—they embodied what I longed for, and it wasn’t just that baguette.
Now, I have many CMOK friends. Occasionally, one will catch a whiff of a baby and say something like, “I wish we could go back.” To which I reply, “No, you don’t.” And she’ll nod in agreement, realizing, “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t.”
That’s what we laugh about as we stroll past the playground.
For further insights on navigating parenthood, you might find our post on couples’ fertility journeys for intracervical insemination interesting. Additionally, if you want to learn more about milestones and development for your 4-month-old baby, check out this resource. For those seeking excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC offers valuable resources.
Summary: The author reflects on their past disdain for confident mothers with older children, only to find themselves embracing that role as their own kids grow up. As they navigate the freedom and joys of motherhood at this stage, they acknowledge the unique challenges and rewards that come with both small children and older kids. The piece humorously captures the transition in perspective and the camaraderie among mothers at different stages.