I was on a father-son camping trip with some church friends when I found myself chatting with an old acquaintance by the campfire. We had once lived nearby, and I considered him a decent father and provider. From what I observed, he also appeared to be a good husband. However, when I shared that I told my wife I loved her every day for the past 14 years, he let out a scoff.
He boasted about being married for nearly 20 years, admitting he couldn’t remember the last time he expressed his love verbally. He believed his dedication to providing for the family was enough to show his affection. It was at that moment that I couldn’t help but scoff back.
Every marriage is unique, but from my perspective—and what I conveyed to my campfire companion—communication is crucial. Over the years, I’ve written extensively about parenting and marriage, and I often receive messages from women seeking advice on how to “fix” their husbands. Is “fix” the right term? I’m not sure if they are genuinely broken, but a pattern emerges in these messages.
While I often receive heartbreaking accounts from women in abusive relationships, many messages come from women married to men who, like my campfire buddy, are good fathers and providers but lack emotional engagement in their marriages. Their relationships can feel like a checklist item, akin to purchasing an appliance: “I bought a refrigerator, so I don’t need to think about it anymore.” In this analogy, the refrigerator is replaced with a wife.
I won’t claim that all men fit this mold, nor will I delve into why this phenomenon exists—because I don’t fully understand it either. However, what is evident to me is that a marriage, like a loving relationship, is not an appliance; it requires ongoing care, affirmation, and investment. My marriage is my greatest joy. I cherish my wife deeply, but when life gets hectic and the demands of parenting pile up, it’s easy to drift into a routine that feels more like co-workers than partners.
While managing daily responsibilities together can be beautiful, it often lacks romance. Taking a brief moment each day to tell your partner that you love them is vital. It’s a simple task that carries significant weight.
It’s important to note that saying “I love you” daily won’t resolve deeper issues in a troubled marriage—it won’t change abusive dynamics or mend dishonesty. Yet, the distinction between a mediocre marriage and a thriving one can often hinge on these three little words. Saying “I love you” daily reinforces appreciation for your spouse and keeps that spark alive. It serves as a reminder to both partners of the commitment they’ve made to each other.
In the midst of daily parenting chaos, a heartfelt “I love you” can reaffirm that you’re both in this together for the right reasons. I shared these thoughts with my friend around the campfire, though I doubt I articulated them perfectly. Interestingly, as he retreated to his tent, I noticed him pull out his phone and send a text. I like to think he reached out to his wife with an “I love you,” perhaps reflecting on our conversation.
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In summary, expressing love daily can be a simple yet profound way to nurture your marriage and keep the connection alive. It’s a reminder that your partner is cherished and valued, reinforcing the commitment you share amidst life’s daily demands.