Recently, in a school district in Louisville, several girls were barred from attending a school dance because their dresses were deemed too short. In a similar incident, a high school swimmer in Alaska was disqualified due to a referee’s interpretation of her swimsuit. My own daughter faced a comparable situation when she was told she couldn’t join her classmates on a “team bonding” hiking trip.
The night before the outing, I found myself sitting on her bed while she rummaged through her clothes for something suitable. I suggested she wear leggings tucked into her socks—a common practice in our area due to the risk of Lyme disease from ticks.
“I can’t do that,” she protested. “If I wear leggings, I need to have shorts over them, and that looks silly.” She then explained a restrictive school rule that prohibited “skinny” pants unless they were covered by shorts. I was taken aback. Why were leggings acceptable during sports practice but not on a field trip? Boys were allowed to see girls in yoga pants during co-ed swimming lessons, so what was the difference?
“Are you kidding me?” I asked, suggesting jeans as an alternative.
“Nope. Too fitted. They must be wide-leg,” she replied.
“Then what do you plan to wear? Sweatpants?”
With a serious expression, she mentioned pajama pants as her only option. “Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll tuck them into my socks.” That night, I lay awake, feeling guilty as I signed the tuition checks for the very institution enforcing such absurd rules. The next morning, I coated her legs with bug spray and sent her off in her longest pair of shorts and knee-high socks.
What followed became a pivotal moment for our family. I drafted a letter to the principal, expressing my concerns about the “yoga pants rule,” and included research on the implications of such restrictive dress codes. The principal, a stern man with a background in coaching, called me for a discussion. His new assistant, a woman named Jamie, joined the call. I felt a glimmer of hope, thinking she might support my cause.
However, the principal asserted that yoga pants hindered a conducive learning environment. He recounted a visit to a student with an eating disorder, claiming that seeing peers in tight clothing worsened her condition. He concluded that some girls simply didn’t have the right body shape for yoga pants at school. I felt a surge of anger. How could someone in his position hold such misguided beliefs? When I pressed him for evidence, our conversation took a hostile turn. He raised his voice, insisting that his observations were sufficient, and I felt a wave of fear wash over me.
“Actually, I have research,” Jamie interjected. Thank goodness, I thought. But instead of supporting my case, she claimed that the male brain doesn’t fully mature until age 25, suggesting that boys couldn’t be held accountable for their reactions to girls in yoga pants. That was the moment I lost it. I told her I assumed she would have a different perspective since she was a woman.
By the end of the call, the principal remained unmoved, stating that the rule wouldn’t change. In a follow-up email, he emphasized his goal of keeping students “innocent” for as long as possible.
The rule implied that my daughters were primarily viewed through a sexual lens and that all boys were inherently unable to control themselves around female bodies. This was a belief I could not support. As a family, we decided to withdraw our children from the school, aligning our values with our actions. After our departure, the school quietly amended the dress code by removing the controversial rule from its handbook.
Now, firmly situated in a new school community, we often reflect on that experience and how it has reshaped us. I feel empowered, knowing my children stand with me. They’ve learned to question rules and recognize biases in them. Most importantly, they bring issues of injustice to the dinner table, where we collectively decide what we believe in and what we can change.
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Summary
This article discusses a mother’s refusal to enforce her daughter’s school’s restrictive dress code, which she believes promotes damaging stereotypes about girls and boys. Through her experience, she advocates for questioning societal norms and emphasizes the importance of having family discussions about values and justice.