In my carefree twenties, without the responsibilities of motherhood, I once babysat for a family with two young daughters. One day, the six-year-old shared a little secret about her mother: “Mom gets really mad and yells a LOT. Especially at Dad.” Her serious face conveyed the gravity of her words.
At the time, I laughed off the comment, thinking I would never parent like that. I admired this mother, believing she had it all together. However, once I learned about her moments of anger, my perception shifted. I began to see her as someone overwhelmed by rage, unable to control her emotions. In my youthful naivety, I had vowed to be the perfect mom, free from such outbursts.
Now, here I am, a mother in my thirties, and I am that mom who yells. I’ve felt the strain of parenting two children under four and have acted out in ways I never thought possible. In moments of frustration, I’ve thrown toys, shouted “ENOUGH!!!” and threatened to take away their beloved toys. My three-year-old finds my exasperation amusing, which only adds to my frustration. After tough mornings, I’ve resorted to seeking solace in snacks, biting pillows, or even hiding in closets to cry, only to be pulled back to reality by my husband.
Every instance of anger has been followed by a wave of shame. I wish I could time travel to that mother I once judged and tell her, “I get it now.” I can empathize with her struggles, understanding that behind her anger lay a woman grappling with the overwhelming challenges of motherhood.
If you look closely beneath the surface of a mom’s anger, you’ll find a person trying to balance the weight of the world. We’re managing schedules, organizing households, answering endless parenting questions, and caring for our little ones, all while often feeling isolated without the support of family nearby. Many of us have become our own villages, which may not excuse every outburst, but certainly sheds light on why we sometimes snap.
These days, I’m embracing my anger and working towards healthier ways to express it. I’m prioritizing self-care, seeking therapy, and reaching out to friends for support. I’ve even moved closer to family to ease the burden. Most importantly, I’m learning to be kinder to myself. I recognize that even when I lose my temper, I’m doing my best as a mom. Just like that mother I once babysat for, I show up each day, even when it feels unbearable.
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Summary
The author reflects on their judgment of mothers who yell, realizing that motherhood often comes with overwhelming challenges. Through their own experiences, they acknowledge the importance of empathy and self-care for moms dealing with frustration and burnout. Ultimately, it’s a reminder to be kinder to ourselves and recognize that everyone is doing their best.