Childbirth is undeniably a miraculous experience, but let’s be real—it’s also a wild ride for our behinds. Why is this hardly ever talked about? We hear countless tales of vaginal tears and episiotomies, but the plight of our rear ends seems to get swept under the rug, much like Peggy Schuyler in Hamilton: crying out for attention while everyone else ignores it.
We’re all aware of the potential for hemorrhoids and tearing down there, but where are the gritty, honest stories about what really happens to our buttholes? A friend of mine, who didn’t even tear, mentioned that after three hours of pushing, her rear end felt forever altered. She’s shared this with almost no one, even years later.
So why is this topic such a taboo? Is it a survival instinct to keep the species going, or simply embarrassment? Either way, we reached out to our readers to share their labor and delivery experiences, and the responses were enlightening (and hilarious). Here are some of the highlights:
- Hemorrhoid Horror
“I felt like my anus was turned inside out after giving birth. It’s still swollen, and my doctor just calls them hemorrhoids. After my first post-birth poop, I was left wondering, ‘WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING BACK THERE?!’ It’s a mystery I’m not sure I want to solve.” - The Leakage Dilemma
“As a former postpartum nurse, I had a patient convinced her ‘anus was broken.’ It was just some leakage from pushing hard. Not something I expected to encounter in my career!” - Public Bathroom Predicaments
“After my first child, I didn’t have the constipation everyone warned me about. Instead, I found myself in a department store bathroom, scooping poop out because it just wouldn’t budge. My mom was outside yelling if I was okay while I was trying to figure out how to clean up without using my hands.” - Unexpected Tearing
“I work in healthcare and have seen women suffer from fourth-degree tears that extend to the anus. Trust me, those women face a long recovery.” - The Delivery Room Surprise
“I had no idea it was normal to poop during delivery. I remember asking the nurse if I had, and she just brushed it off. Why don’t we talk about this more?” - Scooping Again
“Even with an epidural, my lower half felt everything. The nurse was literally scooping poop out of me, and it was mortifying.” - The Poop Pants Situation
“After a severe tear during my first birth, I had no control for over a month. It was definitely a rough time; my subsequent births were C-sections.” - The Purple Grapes
“Besides those pesky hemorrhoids that seem to permanently hang around, nothing unusual here!” - Water Birth Woes
“I had a water birth, and let’s just say, controlling bodily functions while pushing a baby out is impossible. They had to change the water before my baby was born!” - Prolapse Problems
“I had both an anterior and posterior prolapse after my second child, and he was a C-section baby. Seriously, can we catch a break?” - Broken Tailbones
“My OB once told me about patients who broke their tailbones during labor. Seriously?!” - Inside Out Issues
“I watched my rear end turn inside out and tear, leading to a strange hernia. Just another day in the life of motherhood.”
In summary, women are absolute warriors, and their butts endure a lot during pregnancy and childbirth. Who else feels like a sitz bath is in order? If you’re curious about more insights into home insemination, check out our post on at-home insemination kits. For expert information on pregnancy, be sure to visit this resource as well as UCSF’s privacy policy.