I’ve always been a tenacious person, refusing to give up easily on tasks or relationships. However, everything changed when I confronted a significant challenge in my life.
The day I received my breast cancer diagnosis was when my entire existence flipped upside down. At just 35 years old and juggling the demands of being a mother to four children, cancer was a detour I hadn’t anticipated. But it became my new reality.
Six weeks post-diagnosis, I underwent a bilateral mastectomy. It was a frightening experience, yet it represented my journey towards recovery. Only a small circle of friends and family were aware of my situation and the surgery that followed.
Two weeks after the operation, I got the news that my pathology results were clear—I was cancer-free. Naturally, I was ecstatic. I shared this uplifting news on social media, expecting a wave of support from my extended network.
What happened next shocked me. My family and friends rallied around us, providing meals, childcare, and thoughtful gifts. The outpouring of kindness was both comforting and overwhelming.
Yet, amid this support, I couldn’t shake a feeling of heaviness that was unrelated to my physical health. I began to notice the absence of certain friends—those who had remained silent during this turbulent time. No texts, no meals, no cards—just an echoing silence.
I am not someone who has numerous acquaintances; my circle is relatively small. So, to be ignored by women I had known for years was disheartening. These were individuals I had supported through their tough times, sending condolences for losses and celebrating their achievements.
In the most vulnerable chapter of my life, I realized I was being ghosted by some who I thought were my friends. Initially, I tried to rationalize their absence. Perhaps my diagnosis was too daunting for them, or they were simply too absorbed in their own lives. One friend was dealing with her father’s declining health, after all.
But deep down, I recognized the reality: it wasn’t about me; it was about them. I wasn’t overwhelming. They were just not enough.
As I regained my strength, I also embraced a new perspective on life. I began to understand that time is precious and limited. Why should I continue longing for attention from those who clearly didn’t value me?
This period of healing compelled me into a season of self-care, not just for my physical needs but also for my emotional health. I realized it was time to declutter my social circle. I had spent far too long investing in friendships that weren’t mutually beneficial.
To me, self-care is vital for every woman’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Some find solace in massages or shopping sprees, while others indulge in hobbies or simply binge-watch shows during quiet moments. But what if there’s an overlooked aspect of self-care? What if we need to let go of those who drain us?
I’m speaking of the drama seekers, the self-centered, and the perpetual takers—people who don’t uplift us. Maintaining connections with such individuals isn’t just unhealthy; it can be toxic.
Gradually, I began to distance myself from the absent friends. Surprisingly, I felt lighter. I was no longer burdened by their issues while grappling with my own health crisis. I stopped wishing for their acknowledgment and instead focused on living my life free from their half-hearted attempts at friendship.
By letting go, I found more time and energy to nurture relationships with those who truly mattered—friends who showed up when I needed them most. Additionally, I became open to forming new connections.
It’s common to feel guilty about severing ties. What about that friend who stood by you at your wedding? Or the college roommate you once shared everything with? The history of a friendship can complicate matters. Yet, if the current state of the relationship is lackluster and requires constant effort to maintain, is it truly worth it?
My cancer journey served as a wake-up call to prioritize authentic, balanced friendships. I regret that it took such a significant event for me to realize my worthiness of genuine connections.
Ending a friendship doesn’t need to be dramatic. It’s perfectly acceptable for someone to fade from your life. If they inquire about your absence, be honest—explain that the friendship lacked balance and that you deserve better.
As you schedule your next self-care appointment, reflect on who might need to be removed from your life. Don’t waste your valuable time and energy on those unwilling to invest in you.
You are worthy of nurturing, supportive relationships.
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