Dear Parents of High School Seniors,
This is not another checklist of things to accomplish before your child embarks on their college journey. There are plenty of those out there, and they only served to heighten my anxiety. Instead, I’m here to reassure you that everything will be okay. I promise.
Just a year ago, I found myself in your shoes—truthfully, I was curled up in a ball on my couch. As my daughter’s senior year drew to a close, I was engulfed by a sense of dread. It wasn’t just the change that terrified me; it was the thought of her becoming independent and the uncertainties that lay ahead. The reality of her leaving home loomed over me.
The endless lists of tasks to complete before graduation left me feeling overwhelmed. Had I done enough? Had she had enough experiences? Did I love her too much or too little? Had I hovered so closely that I hindered her ability to stand on her own? When my daughter, who had always attended small, private schools, announced her desire to attend a large university, I was taken aback.
I could go on about my worries, but let me share this: many nights during her senior year, I lay awake, paralyzed by my emotions, crying and praying that my fears wouldn’t overshadow the wonderful moments ahead. I often retreated to another room to hide my tears, not wanting her to see my struggle.
Then came the day she left for college. My once-confident daughter seemed to move at a snail’s pace, lounging on the couch with our pets, lost in thought. I immediately recognized the expression on her face—I had worn it for months: dread.
Had I passed my anxieties onto her? I hugged her tightly, assuring her that everything would be great and that I believed in her. It was in that moment that I realized I needed to put my fears aside and be strong. This transition was about her, not me. Suddenly, my mindset shifted. I didn’t want her to feel my apprehension, so I decided to mask it. The drive to the university was just the two of us, and we made the most of it.
I managed to keep it together and truly enjoyed that day: meeting her roommates and their families, picking up her student ID, and witnessing her dad and stepdad work together to set up her room. As I watched her walk away, tears fell, but there was also a profound realization: a new chapter was beginning for both of us.
Now, she’s finishing her finals and will be home for the summer. Here are some lessons I’ve learned this year about my daughter and myself:
- She is an adult now. I no longer make decisions for her. She has shown a level of independence that has surprised me. She takes care of her responsibilities and doesn’t appreciate reminders. As tough as it is, she needs to forge her own path, even if it means learning the hard way.
- Our relationship has evolved, but it’s stronger than before. I’ve changed my approach to communication. Instead of asking, “Are you (fill in the blank: partying, drinking, etc.)?” I now ask, “How often are you (fill in the blank)?” This subtle shift has changed the dynamic. She responds honestly, as I approach the conversation with the understanding that she’s likely already engaged in those activities. Some of her answers surprised me, but I chose not to react negatively. I’d rather know the truth and handle any concerns privately later. This openness has brought us closer together and fostered trust.
One key recommendation: write a letter. The night before I dropped her off at college, I penned a heartfelt letter, sharing thoughts I had never expressed before. I tucked it in her belongings for her to find later. She mentioned it during a phone call, and her praise was high—an affirmation that it meant something to her. Leave nothing unsaid.
In summary, life has changed significantly. Change doesn’t equate to negativity. Some days are challenging, and I sometimes find myself reminiscing about the past. The best moments? When I engage in authentic conversations with my adult daughter and realize I did a good job raising her.
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