Having a sensitive child can be quite the journey, especially when you find yourself navigating the world of tantrums long after the toddler years. If you’ve ever had a child prone to outbursts, you know how quickly a small annoyance—like cutting their toast the wrong way or buckling them into their car seat—can ignite a full-blown meltdown.
Coping with a tantrumming child, particularly in public or during times of personal stress, can feel overwhelming. Even knowing that this behavior is “normal” doesn’t always provide the comfort you need in the moment. For those with particularly intense kids, it’s easy to feel like you’re raising the most unruly child on the planet and to be plagued by self-doubt about your parenting. (Spoiler alert: It’s often completely typical, I assure you.)
Around the age of four, I noticed a decline in my son’s tantrums. They didn’t vanish entirely, but they became less frequent. I celebrated this improvement, feeling relieved that those tumultuous toddler years were behind us. “Don’t worry,” I’d reassure friends with younger children, “it gets better.”
Then came second grade. Suddenly, my 8-year-old was struggling in ways I hadn’t anticipated. He began expressing his dislike for school and developed a rivalry with a classmate. This was also when the after-school tantrums reared their ugly heads once again.
Yes, my “big kid” was having outbursts that were reminiscent of his younger years. The sheer volume of his cries was staggering, and I often found myself hastily closing windows, praying the neighbors wouldn’t overhear the chaos.
What Was Triggering These Outbursts?
Initially, I was baffled. Small issues—like forgetting to buy him a bagel or his dad’s refusal to assist him in a video game—seemed to set him off. The meltdowns were intense, with him collapsing to the floor, kicking and screaming.
At first, I was at a loss for how to handle it. I questioned my abilities as a mom and wondered if there was something fundamentally wrong with him. Yet, he was thriving in school and had just received a clean bill of health from the doctor.
Traditional discipline methods failed to help; threats to take away privileges only escalated his distress. It became clear that what he needed wasn’t punishment but rather understanding.
After a few moments of my own frustration, I recognized that I needed to change my approach. Time-outs didn’t seem feasible for an 8-year-old, but I knew he couldn’t just lie on the kitchen floor screaming forever. So, I told him he needed to go to his room, and I would accompany him. While he resisted initially, my husband ended up having to carry him into his bedroom, which was a struggle.
Once in the smaller, more secure space, I decided to trust my instincts. I thought about what I would want if I were upset and unable to articulate my feelings. I wrapped him in his favorite blanket and said, “It’s okay to be upset, and you don’t have to explain why. I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” I added, “But can we turn the volume down a bit?”
At first, there was no immediate change, but gradually his screams transformed into sobs. Eventually, he nestled his head on my knee. “Sometimes I just have a really bad day and need to cry,” I shared, and he nodded in agreement. He began opening up about recess, where he hadn’t been chosen for a kickball team, and a misunderstanding with his teacher during math class. It became clear that these were just regular second-grade stresses, viewed through the lens of a sensitive child.
It seemed that age 8 was just a particularly emotional phase for him. Perhaps it was developmental, or he was picking up on stress around the house, or maybe it was simply an off year.
I can’t recall exactly when those tantrums began to fade, but they did, as all challenging phases eventually do. What struck me harder than the tantrums themselves was the judgment I placed on the situation. I was shocked to discover that older kids could still have these intense outbursts. When I confided in friends with children the same age, many nodded in understanding. Even parents of teenagers were quick to relate.
The Importance of Conversation
The problem lies in the lack of conversation surrounding these experiences. We often feel isolated and unsupported, yet older kids experiencing tantrums is quite common. They can have overwhelming emotions without the ability to process them rationally. Adults sometimes struggle with this too.
If your older child is having extreme tantrums that affect their daily life or harm others, it’s essential to consult a pediatrician or child psychologist. However, in many cases, simply creating a safe space for your child’s feelings and assuring them that you’re there when they’re ready to talk is sufficient. And don’t forget, if they’re hungry, feed them!
Rest assured, this phase will pass, just like those toddler tantrums did. And brace yourself, because I’ve heard that the teenage years bring a whole new level of drama.
For more insights, visit this resource on parenting challenges or check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination advice.
Summary
Parenting a sensitive child can lead to unexpected tantrums, even in older kids. Understanding and patience are key, as these emotions are often overwhelming for them. It’s important to provide a supportive environment, and know that this phase will eventually pass.