So, a close friend just had her long-awaited baby and you’re itching to rush over and cradle that adorable little one. It takes everything in you not to show up at the hospital, interrupting those precious moments when the staff is pampering her. Whether it’s the irresistible scent of a newborn or the thought of your friend feeling neglected if you don’t show interest in her new addition, you’re determined to hold that baby. But wait a minute.
I vividly recall being two months into my own motherhood journey and realizing that I absolutely didn’t want friends popping by and overstimulating my sensitive, fussy child with their unfamiliar faces and loud voices. Ladies, give the baby a moment of peace! Honestly, I had no desire for visitors. I was too exhausted, overwhelmed, and covered in spit-up to care about feeling lonely, and hosting someone meant squeezing into clothes that no longer fit and cleaning up the dog hair.
Before I had my baby, I was that friend who would drop by just to hold your little one. I sincerely apologize to all the new moms I burdened with my presence. No one is sitting around eagerly awaiting my arrival to hold their baby. I once went to a friend’s house solely to snuggle her newborn and ended up eating the dinner her husband had made! What was I thinking?
Now that I’m a mom myself, I’ve learned that if you’re going to hold that little one in the first few months before the delightful baby smell fades, there are some crucial guidelines to follow:
- Bring Food They’ll Actually Enjoy. Opt for takeout from a nice restaurant, enough for leftovers for Dad too. Don’t skimp; this is a treat for them since dining out will be rare for a while. If you can’t afford a decent meal, reconsider whether you should be visiting.
- Don’t Eat Their Food. If Mom offers you a taste of her crock-pot creation, politely decline. She’s being courteous, and remember, every bite you take is one less for her. Just grab some water if needed, but be mindful of her state of mind—she might not even remember you being greedy.
- Bring a Thoughtful Gift. Even if you gave a baby shower gift, check with Mom to see what she still needs. Simple items like pacifiers or spare pump parts are always appreciated. When in doubt, ask about the diapers they use and contribute those.
- Capture the Moments. If you have photography skills, bring your camera. Just don’t try selling her the portraits later; gift them instead.
- Consider the Season. Avoid bringing size-inappropriate clothes. Babies grow quickly, so use your judgment.
- No Unwanted Decorations. Moms don’t want random knick-knacks cluttering their space. Keep your oversized stuffed animals and inspirational quotes to yourself.
- Offer to Help Out. If your friend is a bit controlling, she’ll need to learn to accept help. In just a few months, her control over her environment will slip away.
- Do the Dishes. If the sink is overflowing, rinse and load those dishes into the dishwasher. Don’t wait for her approval; just take initiative.
- Fold the Laundry. If you see a pile of clean clothes, fold them—even the underwear!
- Be an Amazing Friend. One friend not only brought food and a gift but also called from the store to ask if I needed anything, which I did! Another friend came over, and while her husband rocked my baby, she cleaned my kitchen. I finally had a moment to myself, which was a rare gift.
- Avoid Being a Burden. There were moments I felt like I was being held hostage by my newborn and resented visitors who came empty-handed. Don’t be that friend.
If you’ve been a do-nothing visitor in the past, make a point to buy a thoughtful gift for the little one’s next birthday and remember, one day you might also find yourself in the chaotic world of motherhood.
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In summary, if you’re planning to visit a new mom, come prepared with food, gifts, and a willingness to help. Show her that you care without overwhelming her.