Trigger Warning: marital rape, sexual assault, domestic abuse
Marital Rape. This was the term used by my lawyer after I recounted the disturbing details of my marriage. Over the years, I had come to recognize that what transpired was indeed assault. I understood it was unacceptable and degrading. However, I never classified it as rape. I hesitated to label it. My husband didn’t physically restrain me or force me violently; it began as consensual intimacy. But then things escalated.
He became increasingly aggressive, thrusting harder and harder. I yelled, “Stop!” repeatedly, but my pleas fell on deaf ears. He seemed almost in a trance, oblivious to my pain. I felt a growing sense of fear and panic as I lay there, helpless. The tears flowed, but he continued, unrelenting.
When he finally released me, I stumbled to the bathroom and was met with a shocking sight—blood everywhere. I was in disbelief and shock. What had just happened?
His reaction was one of surprise and concern for my distress. He spewed excuses, claiming he was caught up in the moment and couldn’t stop. I felt dizzy and overwhelmed with pain. I fled, demanding he never touch me again.
I sought refuge at a friend’s home. She was a nurse and urged me to go to the hospital, but I couldn’t bear the thought. My husband worked in the ER, and our small town meant that everyone knew him and me. I felt trapped, embarrassed, and scared to report the abuse.
In the months that followed, I tried to move past that night. When I found out I was pregnant with our second child, I couldn’t help but wonder if she was conceived during that traumatic event.
I remained married to him for another six years. While he was not as aggressive afterward, sex was still painful, and I constantly feared he would hurt me again. He resorted to other forms of emotional manipulation—begging for sex, ignoring me for days if I refused, and using anger to coerce me. I felt like a prisoner in my own home.
His obsession with sex became a consuming force in my life. Even during moments meant for bonding, such as watching movies, he would make unwanted advances. He even pressured me to consider surgery for my body not for my comfort, but so he could enjoy me more. I finally recognized this wasn’t love, and I deserved better.
Reflecting on that night, I wish I had reported it. I wished I had gone to the ER for a proper examination. The scar from that incident reminds me every year at my physical, and I’ve never shared the truth behind it. I’ve begun to understand that I am a survivor of spousal rape—a reality that remains hidden in silence.
“Did you know what you just described to me falls under the category of marital rape?” my lawyer asked, prompting me to sign the divorce papers. I felt a wave of relief at taking a step towards freedom from a toxic marriage and the abuse that had defined it.
I come from a lineage of strong women who have endured and overcome similar fates. They faced their struggles with dignity, rarely speaking of their experiences but ultimately finding the strength to leave. I draw inspiration from them and believe that sharing our stories can help break the cycle of abuse.
For anyone experiencing a similar situation, trust your instincts. If something feels off, it likely is. Speak out; you are not alone. Many endure spousal rape in silence, unaware that it is indeed unacceptable. Remember, you have the right to say no—no one can force you into something you do not want. You deserve a better life, and breaking free is possible. I believe in your strength.
For more information on navigating similar challenges, check out this resource on pregnancy and home insemination. If you want to explore options for family planning and support, visit this page. For activism and awareness around these issues, refer to this link.
Summary:
This article tells the story of a woman who endured marital rape and emotional abuse, highlighting the complexities of recognizing and labeling such experiences. It emphasizes the importance of speaking out, seeking support, and understanding that one is not alone in facing these challenges. The journey to healing and empowerment is possible, and there are resources available to assist those in similar situations.