It’s likely you didn’t grasp the weight of your words when you spoke them. At that moment, you probably didn’t think much of it, and perhaps the incident faded from your memory before long.
The scenario was straightforward: you witnessed my son approach the counter, asking for stickers. I guided him to repeat his request, this time ensuring he made eye contact with the woman at the register. He paused, connected with her, expressed his thanks, and dashed off to craft his sticker creation.
Then, you made your comment.
You may not have known that I had invested countless hours helping my son develop that social skill. You probably weren’t aware that this was a key factor in his autism diagnosis. Even if you were merely complimenting a mother for encouraging her child to engage appropriately with an adult, that acknowledgment was meaningful to me.
The Culture of Parenting Judgments
In our society, it’s rare for parents to receive praise from strangers. Your simple act of kindness resonated deeply, and I’ve held onto it for months, finally deciding to share this experience.
Parenting can often feel like a thankless endeavor, but the most unrecognized aspect is not that our children overlook our sacrifices; it’s that outsiders often do too. Onlookers witness our kids’ tantrums, outbursts, or moments of rebellion and are quick to label us as negligent or lacking in discipline.
Judgments come swiftly, without pause for compassion, understanding, or curiosity about the unique context in which each parent and child operate. Most environments today cater to adults, with rules that implicitly demand adult behavior, making it a challenge to navigate public spaces with children. There exists an unspoken divide between parents and non-parents, and for a brief moment, you bridged that gap.
I recall a time while waiting for a train, a little boy, full of energy and joy, skipped up the stairs with his parents, singing and dancing. An elderly woman nearby muttered about how she wished to escape the “nuisance” and move to another car. She claimed that if she had a son, he would never behave so wildly.
That judgment ignited a fire in me, and I almost retaliated with a remark of my own. Thankfully, the family was out of earshot, and their joy remained untainted.
The Missing Children
What struck me most was the woman’s sense of entitlement to a certain atmosphere even in a public space—one devoid of childlike exuberance. It was obvious that the boy’s behavior was natural and, frankly, delightful.
I can’t help but wonder: if society continues to suppress expressions of childhood, what would it take for that joyful boy to stifle his instinctual behavior and “act like an adult”? It’s a troubling thought. Children are already marginalized to parks and play zones, or expensive venues that not everyone can access. Our culture is gradually pushing family life to the fringes.
Why do we hold such an aversion to the innocent joy children display? Are we trying to eliminate the spontaneity that reminds us of something pure and unfiltered within ourselves? There’s an alarming trend of people identifying as “not a kid person.” I used to be one of them, and it wasn’t until I began teaching preschool that my perspective shifted.
Being around children—who are full of emotions and impulses—altered my outlook. I realized how irrational and dramatic they can be, yet they embody an undeniable love. Their antics can evoke a profound sense of joy if we let them.
Rediscovering Joy
From an evolutionary standpoint, disliking our own offspring is pathological. We are wired to nurture and love not only our children but also the young of other species. Yet, many prefer the companionship of “fur babies” over the challenges that come with human children, as pets don’t challenge us to confront our own discomforts.
I came to see my aversion to children as a reflection of my own issues rather than an indictment of their behavior. I’m grateful for the experiences that pushed me to open my heart.
Your spontaneous kindness, kind stranger, touched my heart and has inspired me to spread that positivity. The more I embrace compassion, the better I become as a mother and as a person overall.
Parents deserve encouragement because they are shaping the future. Thank you for acknowledging that, even for a fleeting moment. That kindness has rippled through my life and hopefully continues to do so.
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Summary
The seemingly small act of a stranger’s compliment in a fast food restaurant can have a lasting impact on a parent’s journey. In a world that often judges parents harshly, recognizing their efforts can spread positivity and compassion. Engaging with children not only enriches our lives but also fosters a sense of community and understanding.