I need to come clean about something. I told my teenage daughter to “shut the f*ck up.” In fact, I’ve said it to her twice under similar circumstances. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I believe in being honest about my parenting missteps.
Swearing isn’t my go-to, especially around my kids. Yet, in moments of heightened tension, I’ve let it slip. My daughter, Chloe, who is now 18 and my third child, has a knack for pushing my buttons, and there have been instances where I simply couldn’t disengage from the argument.
Late Night Tensions
Both incidents happened late at night. The last time, when Chloe was 15, it was a Friday at 10 PM. My husband was away, and I was exhausted after a long week. However, I was indulging in a rare moment of peace, savoring the remote control and catching a movie—definitely not the ideal self-care routine.
Suddenly, Chloe bounded down the basement stairs and demanded my permission for a last-minute sleepover at her friend’s house. The friend’s parents, whom I hadn’t met, were ready to pick her up in 15 minutes, and she was all set to go. All I had to do was say “yes.”
But I didn’t. Instead, I surprisingly told her “no.” I wasn’t comfortable with her going to someone’s house at that hour, especially without knowing the parents. I also felt overwhelmed by her forceful approach—her raised voice felt more like bullying than a simple request.
The Fallout
That “no” is likely the most disliked word in Chloe’s vocabulary. She often reacts strongly to being denied, and while I usually try to soften the blow by offering alternate solutions—like scheduling a sleepover for another night—this time was different. Chloe wouldn’t back down, and she came at me with everything she had, demanding justifications and insisting I was being unreasonable.
Finally, overwhelmed and feeling cornered, I lost my cool. I wanted her to stop the barrage of demands and, honestly, to just “shut the f*ck up.” In that moment, I was reminded of my own childhood, dealing with my mother, who had a similar approach to getting her way—loud, demanding, and sometimes rude.
Reflection and Apology
Looking back, fatigue played a significant role in my reaction. If I had been more rested, perhaps I would have handled the situation differently. A friend later pointed out that my outburst was a sort of self-defense; I wanted the interaction to end.
The following morning, after some reflection, I approached Chloe and sincerely apologized for my language. I explained how I felt during our exchange and that her approach didn’t help either of us. Fortunately, she understood. She hadn’t realized how her forcefulness affected me. It sparked a productive conversation about how we can communicate better in the future.
I reassured her that I understood her need for social interaction and that I loved her. Chloe recognized my slip as a moment of weakness, and we both acknowledged that working on our relationship would benefit us. I committed to recognizing when I’m at my limit to prevent losing my temper in the future.
Moving Forward
Three years later, I hope she has forgiven me, and I’ve worked on forgiving myself. Because even mothers who strive to be “good enough” can occasionally falter and tell their kids to “shut the f*ck up.”
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Summary
The author shares a candid experience of losing her temper and telling her teenage daughter to “shut the f*ck up.” Through a late-night disagreement over a last-minute sleepover, she reflects on her parenting style, the importance of communication, and the need for self-care. Ultimately, the experience leads to a deeper understanding between mother and daughter.