From a colleague, I discovered the concept of “invisible awards” for my children. Whenever they accomplish something noteworthy or face a challenge, I present them with an invisible award. I might describe its exquisite design or the fancy inscription it carries. This secret tradition is exclusive to parents, so they can’t create these treasures themselves. They giggle and eagerly accept these invisible accolades, and my nine-year-old would go to great lengths just to earn one.
This practice resembles storytelling, serving as a playful method to reinforce positive behavior. According to psychologist Deena Weisberg from Villanova University, “Stories inherently contain elements that are often more engaging than simple statements.” The Inuit people have long understood this, which is why they incorporate storytelling into their teaching methods, instilling not only a sense of discipline but also emotional regulation.
The Inuit, as described by Inuulitsivik, are the indigenous people of the North American Arctic, numbering around 40,000 in Canada and 16,500 in the U.S. In their culture, managing emotions, particularly anger, is crucial. As noted by Inuit representatives from Utkuhikhalik and Qipisa Communities, displaying anger is considered immature and foolish. Jean Smith, a Harvard graduate who spent 17 months with the Inuit in the 1970s, remarked that she never witnessed anyone express anger towards her, despite their frustrations.
Inuit parenting is characterized by its gentle nature; yelling at children is exceedingly rare. Richard Guy Condon, in his book Inuit Youth: Growth and Change in the American Arctic, mentioned witnessing only one verified instance of physical punishment during three years of research. Misbehaving children are viewed not as “bad” but rather as those who “really can’t listen.” As Learn Alberta points out, slapping and reprimanding are not acceptable methods of discipline.
In an interview with NPR, Inuit elders chuckled at the notion of scolding or yelling at small children. One elder remarked, “It only raises your own heart rate.” When children exhibit anti-social behaviors, they believe the child is upset about something, and it’s essential to uncover the cause. Yelling is seen as degrading, as it mirrors the tantrum of the child. Clinical psychologist Laura Markham stated that such reactions only teach children to be angry.
Instead of raising their voices, Inuit parents use storytelling to guide behavior. They wait for everyone to calm down before addressing misbehavior, ensuring that the lesson is effective. During this calm period, parents might reenact the disruptive event, playfully provoking the child by saying things like, “Don’t you like me?” or “Ow, that hurts!” In one instance, a mother encouraged her child to hit her, playfully exclaiming, “OW! That hurts!” Such interactions may seem unconventional, but they effectively teach children how to regulate their emotions through play.
This storytelling approach goes beyond simple role-play. For instance, if a child needs to stay away from the ocean, rather than scolding, a parent might weave a tale of a sea monster that would whisk them away. It might sound terrifying, but it effectively keeps them safe. Similarly, to ensure children keep their hats on, they might be told that the northern lights could snatch their heads. Such vivid tales, while alarming, help instill Inuit cultural norms and encourage good behavior, much like my invisible trophies.
The Inuit parenting philosophy promotes emotional regulation in a calm and constructive manner. In my own family, I’m considering expanding beyond invisible trophies to incorporate storytelling techniques to address misbehavior. Even as my boys grow older, I can still adapt these Inuit methods to help them practice self-control.
So, maybe I’ll give this a try. It could teach them valuable coping strategies while also helping me manage my emotions before reacting to their behavior. Certainly, Inuit parenting techniques seem far superior to ineffective yelling.
Summary
Inuit parenting emphasizes calmness and emotional regulation through storytelling and invisible rewards. By avoiding yelling and physical punishment, Inuit parents teach children to understand and control their emotions. This unique approach fosters a nurturing environment that encourages good behavior while promoting self-regulation. As I explore these methods, I hope to instill similar values in my own children.