From my late teenage years, I have been grappling with anxiety, often failing to recognize it for what it truly was. I frequently attributed my feelings to stressors in my life—be it an impending test, my grandfather’s health, or other pressing matters. I sought therapy sporadically, but it was mostly focused on specific issues rather than examining overarching patterns.
It wasn’t until I welcomed my second child at thirty that the reality of my anxiety became undeniable. The chaos of managing two young children left me feeling utterly overwhelmed. I was petrified of navigating stairs with them, terrified that my older child might trip me, leading to a disastrous fall. If they weren’t both asleep by 7:30 PM, I felt like a failure, directing my frustration at both myself and my children.
Recognizing that this cycle was unhealthy for me—and for my daughters—prompted me to reconnect with a therapist. It was during this period that I learned I had Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), characterized by a constant tendency to worry, even without a clear cause.
For the past two and a half years, I have made significant strides toward managing my anxiety. I’ve continued therapy, established firm boundaries in my life, embraced yoga, meditated regularly, and even began taking anti-anxiety medication. Yet, I still find myself waking up with stress before my eyes even open, and some days, I feel that familiar, heart-racing anxiety gnawing at my chest.
Coming to terms with the fact that this may be a lifelong struggle is tough. Instead of attempting to escape my anxiety, I’m learning to coexist with it, to breathe through it. However, what continues to terrify me is the thought that my children may inherit this burden.
GAD has a genetic link. After reconnecting with my own father, I discovered that he, along with his father, faced significant anxiety challenges. Now, I’ve passed those same genetic traits to my three beautiful kids, which fills me with dread as I realize I cannot prevent it.
Just this morning, as I was leaving for work, thoughts of my children dealing with anxiety flooded my mind. I pondered their unique personalities, questioning which of them might be most susceptible to these feelings that haunt me daily.
As I drove my eldest, a bright kindergartner, to school, I thanked her for reminding me to take my medication. She suggested I create a chart to check off each day after taking my pill. I was amazed by her problem-solving skills at such a young age. After dropping her off, I felt that familiar surge of anxiety as I worried about how long it was taking her to exit the car—concerned about inconveniencing those behind us.
Yet, amidst these worries, I find solace in the ways I’m raising my kids differently than I was raised.
- I encourage my children to express their emotions. When my two-year-old son yells in frustration, I pick him up and acknowledge his feelings: “Wow, you sound really frustrated!”
- I own my emotions and actions. If I raise my voice and my daughter says, “You scared me!” I respond with, “You’re right; I shouldn’t have yelled.”
- I teach them coping mechanisms. Instead of dismissing their tears, I guide them: “Breathe with me, sweetie. Inhale, exhale.”
- I let them witness me taking care of myself. They observe me attending yoga classes and making healthy choices, reinforcing the importance of self-care.
Through these practices, I’m equipping my children to handle anxiety in two ways. First, my emotional regulation creates a different environment for them, reducing the likelihood they’ll experience the same anxiety I do. More importantly, if any of them do struggle with anxiety, they will already have the tools to cope.
In some ways, I am grateful for my anxiety. It has propelled me to learn valuable skills that I can now pass on to my children. I just hope that these efforts are enough.
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Summary
Living with Generalized Anxiety Disorder has been a lifelong challenge for me. However, I’m committed to breaking the cycle for my children by encouraging emotional expression, taking responsibility for my actions, and teaching them coping strategies. While I fear they may inherit my anxiety, I strive to equip them with the tools to navigate their feelings positively.