When I first noticed the signs of puberty in my eldest son, it was marked by an increase in body hair and a distinct odor after basketball practice. He reveled in the new hair sprouting under his arms and seemed unbothered by the pungent smell. To him, these changes signified growing up, which meant exciting milestones like driving, sipping soda, and staying up late to catch scary movies.
However, about a year later, everything shifted dramatically. The little boy who once loved cuddling on the couch had morphed into a stranger. His teenage brain caught up with his changing body, and things took a turn for the worse. One day, he came home from school in a rage he couldn’t even explain. When I asked him to help with dinner, he stormed out, slamming the door so hard that some glass cracked. His demeanor turned mouthy and disrespectful, and all he wanted to do was hang out with his bike, skateboard, or friends.
A simple glance in his direction elicited eye rolls, and inquiries about his day were met with sarcasm. This became our new normal, and I fought against it with everything I had. I was angry and hurt, unsure of how to mother this new version of my child. I didn’t approve of his behavior and tried to manage it, but my efforts often felt pointless.
Soon, my daughter followed in his footsteps, and then my youngest son joined the ranks—joy for me. It felt like my home was engulfed in a storm of teenage angst. For six long months, it was like living in a cloud of Teen Spirit that was utterly unbearable.
Just as I was ready to give up, something changed. My eldest son began to peel away his tough exterior, leaving behind the dark moods of the past. The mood swings started to stabilize, and at first, I thought it was just a fluke. Perhaps it was a good week or maybe those new protein bars I bought him were working wonders.
Then one morning, he came downstairs, wrapped his arms around me, and held me for a brief moment. It was just a couple of seconds, but the rush of comfort and joy was overwhelming. I found myself in tears. I know it sounds dramatic, but after nearly three years of feeling invisible to him, this small gesture meant everything.
I realized that while puberty can bring out the worst in our kids, it doesn’t last forever. Even though it often feels eternal, I started to see glimpses of the boy I once knew. He began to engage with the family again, responding to questions and no longer retreating to his room at every opportunity.
I won’t pretend I was patient or that I waited for this moment with grace. I pushed him and intruded on his space daily, which likely only frustrated him further. I was learning about parenting teens on the fly, and it was a bumpy ride.
After he emerged from the bulk of puberty, I began to recognize the child I had nurtured—one who could engage in conversation and show kindness to others. My daughter is now entering her teenage years, and seeing her go through the changes a bit earlier than her brother has given me hope. I remind myself to be patient, knowing she’s navigating her own challenges that have little to do with me.
If you find yourself grappling with the tumult of puberty, questioning where you went wrong as a parent, I urge you to hang in there. It’s not an easy ride. I recently heard from another parent who described their daughter as “hell on wheels,” and I can relate. But trust me, you will come through it. There will be tears and exhaustion, and you may feel like giving up, but hold on. One day, they will seem lighter, and once again, they will talk to you. And like me, you might find yourself in tears again—this time from relief, knowing you’ve weathered one of the toughest phases of parenthood.
In summary, while the challenges of puberty can be overwhelming, they are temporary. As parents, we must navigate this difficult period with patience and understanding, remembering that it is just a phase.