Fifteen years ago, my partner and I exchanged vows. We’ve been a couple for nearly two decades now—two whole decades.
We first crossed paths when I was just 22, still very much a child in many ways. By my calculations, he has been part of my life for nearly as long as he hasn’t. I could spin a tale about love at first sight, declaring him my best friend and soulmate, complete with snapshots tagged #soblessed. However, love at first sight wasn’t quite the reality (at least not in the fairy-tale way), and I find that #soblessed often feels more like #sofake with a side of #ijustthrewupinmymouthalittle. True, he is my best friend, but that also encompasses being my partner, confidant, and the one who still leaves me starry-eyed.
Our love story is as extraordinary as anyone else’s, which means it’s utterly mundane to everyone else. Yet it’s astonishing in the unique way all love stories are.
The brief version includes late-night burritos, law school classes, drinks, and a hatchback ride that sparked many debates over what constituted our first official date. The extended version covers years of dating, discovering one another, making plenty of mistakes, falling in love over and over again, and finally realizing that yes, this is the person I want to build a life with—the one I want to bicker with about the thermostat and research minivans alongside.
When we decided to be each other’s ‘Person’ all those years ago, we were blissfully unaware of what it truly meant to share a life. How could we know what that entailed as naive twenty-somethings?
But here’s the incredible part about falling for The One at a young age—you not only grow old together, but you also grow up together. You share your lives in a way that’s profoundly intimate. Sometimes, if luck is on your side, you realize that back then, when you thought they were The One, you had no clue what that even meant. No. Freaking. Idea.
Because growing up and sharing life with them is far more rewarding than you could have imagined.
When we exchanged our traditional vows, we were oblivious to how non-traditional our life together would become some fifteen years later. We had no inkling of how our individual identities would evolve or that we’d change in ways that would complement each other.
We were unaware of how much we’d lean on each other through challenges like miscarriages and the heartbreak of Alzheimer’s. No one else could fathom the sorrow of losing our beloved pet—our first “child” and an anniversary gift—or the pain of seeing our son cry on the baseball mound. We’d spend countless hours discussing everything from the correct way to fold towels (yes, there is a right way) to composting strategies.
And honestly, I still don’t know what the future holds for us. I can’t predict how we’ll continue to evolve as individuals or what peaks and valleys lie ahead.
You know what? I wouldn’t change a thing about not knowing. The unpredictability of this journey—growing up and navigating life together—has been one of my greatest joys.
I don’t have the answers for why some marriages thrive while others fail. I suspect it’s a mix of hard work, compassion, and all that jazz the “experts” preach, combined with a sprinkle of love, a pinch of luck, and a hefty dose of magic. Not to mention, being with someone who respects and trusts you is crucial.
I don’t claim to have special insights or advice since we’re still figuring it out ourselves. Although 15 years of marriage and 20 years as a couple may feel like half a lifetime (which it is for me), in many ways, we’re just getting started. And let’s be honest, there’s still some growing up to do.
What I do know—what I understood back then and still believe now—is that there is no one else I’d rather face the uncertainties of the future with than him. And that’s more than enough.