It quickly becomes apparent that certain actions can irritate most pregnant women. While compliments about their appearance can be well-received, sometimes one might feel tempted to provoke a bit. Here are ten surefire ways to annoy an expectant mother.
1. Share Your Birth Experience
Even if she tries to walk away, persist in detailing your own childbirth saga with all its messy and painful aspects. The more gruesome, the better! Don’t forget to check in on her feelings—if she claims not to be scared, just ask her if she’s really sure. Bringing up your episiotomy might be particularly delightful for you.
2. Offer Name Suggestions
Chances are she and her partner haven’t settled on a name yet, so why not throw in your two cents? Suggest ludicrous names as you greet her baby bump. For instance, yell something like, “How’s it going in there, Captain Cranky Pants?!” Make sure to emphasize the last name for added impact.
3. Comment on Her Size
If she appears larger than usual, casually ask if she’s sure she’s not having twins, or if she’s really due in just two months. Conversely, if she seems smaller, inquire about where she’s hiding the baby or joke that she just swallowed a grape. This may cause her to worry, creating a perfect storm of anxiety.
4. Drop the “Just Wait Until the Baby Comes” Line
Whenever she looks happy or content about her pregnancy, chime in with, “Just wait until the baby arrives!” After all, she must not realize how tough motherhood can be—time to bring her back to reality.
5. Dictate Her Actions
It’s astonishing she’s made it this far with her so-called reckless behavior. Get involved by chastising her for her diet or daily habits. For instance, you might want to snatch that coffee from her hand or simply glare at her disapprovingly. After all, you wouldn’t want your taxes going towards any future health issues for her child.
6. Question Her Pregnancy Circumstances
The less you know her, the better for this one. Casually ask if her pregnancy was a surprise. A subtler jab could be, “You know how that works, right?” Everyone else may chuckle, but she’ll be aware of the implications regarding her personal life. If she gets upset, just feign innocence and roll your eyes, blaming it on her “hormones.”
7. Inquire About the Baby’s Sex
If she reveals whether she’s having a boy or girl, ask if she’s disappointed it’s not the opposite. If she’s waiting to find out, act shocked and say, “Aren’t you curious?” implying she doesn’t care about her own child.
8. Ask About Natural Conception
This question is best posed in front of strangers. By asking if she conceived naturally, you force her to share something deeply personal. If she rebuffs you, simply raise your hands defensively and say, “Whoa, easy there!”
9. Express Surprise at Her Continued Pregnancy
As her due date approaches, make a point to exclaim, “Are you still pregnant?” or “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” Remarks like these highlight the obvious delay in delivery and can be quite disconcerting.
10. Touch Her Belly
The less familiar you are with her, the better for this move. Approach her and begin rubbing her belly, making exaggerated noises. If that doesn’t ruffle her feathers, lean in and speak to her belly as if it were a microphone. If the baby doesn’t respond, you can suggest she might want to consult her doctor.
These antics are sure to provoke frustration!
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In summary, while it may be tempting to poke fun at a pregnant woman, it’s essential to approach her with kindness and understanding, as her journey can be challenging enough without added stress.