I first became aware of the stereotypes surrounding my son when he was merely a toddler. At parks or local play areas, if a minor altercation arose among the kids, the heads of parents would snap up from their phones or conversations, their gazes immediately fixated on my son, who was often the sole child of color in the vicinity. Their reactions were instinctual, almost programmed—and, regrettably, all too predictable.
Just a year prior, my son was a sweet, caramel-skinned infant with warm brown eyes and a tiny curly afro, often attracting compliments from passersby. People would coo at him in high-pitched voices, hoping for a smile in return. However, as he transitioned from babyhood to toddlerhood, this perception shifted dramatically. He grew quickly and was well above average in both height and weight, with a physique that was all muscle. By the age of two, he looked much older.
This change in his appearance led to a stark alteration in how he was treated. If he expressed frustration, we would encounter disapproving looks and hushed murmurs. If he acted age-appropriately, such as grabbing a toy from another child, we could hear the annoyance in that child’s parent’s voice. I often thought about having my son wear a shirt indicating his age, but I realized that the issue extended beyond his size. Deep down, I recognized that his skin color was at the core of the adults’ discomfort.
One particularly egregious incident occurred when my son was two-and-a-half. We bumped into an acquaintance who commented on how much he had grown since their last meeting. I smiled and replied, “Yes, he’s a big boy.” Without hesitation, she called him a “cute little thug.”
Six months later, during a parent-teacher meeting for preschool, the teacher leaned in and asked, “I probably shouldn’t bring this up, but was he born addicted to drugs?” I was stunned into silence. Reflecting later, I realized she wouldn’t ask such a question of every parent. This prompted me to inform the principal, and my son was reassigned to a more understanding teacher who valued him for who he was rather than making assumptions based on his complexion.
Navigating life as a big black boy in America in 2023 is a challenge for my son and our family. We are acutely aware of the troubling preschool-to-prison pipeline. Our children, including him, are not allowed to play with toy guns outside our home, as we know the tragic consequences that can arise from such innocent actions. We constantly worry about his future, especially regarding driving and dating, with his safety always at the forefront of our minds.
The harsh truth is that black boys are often unfairly labeled as tough, suspicious, or threatening. Consequently, we must prepare our son for a world that will inevitably question and distrust him. Even at just six years old, he understands that in stores, he cannot wear his hood up, keep his hands in his pockets, or touch items that aren’t being purchased. He knows he needs a receipt and a bag for any items he buys with his allowance. His rules differ significantly from those of his white friends because he will always be viewed with suspicion.
Recently, I took two of my children to a medical appointment. My son, thrilled to explore a new environment, climbed onto the exam table and reached for an overhead light. The medical assistant glared at him and snapped, “Are you always like this?” Her tone implied that his energetic nature was a nuisance. As his mother, I see his enthusiasm and outgoing spirit as a blessing; yet to her, he was a problem to be controlled.
When people see my son, they jump to conclusions. Media representations—from news outlets to movies and even children’s literature—have ingrained the idea that brown skin equates to something negative. What I wish is for those who fear a big black boy to recognize my son for who he truly is.
He possesses a profound sense of empathy, which is increasingly rare. Last year, when a classmate cried, my son comforted her by sitting next to her, wrapping an arm around her, and shedding tears alongside her, even though he didn’t know the reason for her distress. He is nurturing and caring, often seen taking time to feed our adopted child while singing gently to her.
Whether it’s playing with his older sisters or engaging with new friends, my son embraces every opportunity. I will always cherish the Sunday after church when he approached a group of women to introduce himself, charmingly kissing one lady’s hand. He has a natural affinity for making connections, and just last Sunday, he was delayed in reaching his classroom because he was busy greeting adults in the hallway.
This is my son: empathetic, energetic, playful, intelligent, and undeniably handsome. He is not an exception. Numerous black boys share his vibrant personalities and deserve to experience life without the weight of harmful stereotypes attempting to confine them.
In the end, my hope is that society will begin to see beyond the color of his skin and recognize the beautiful soul within.
For more information on navigating these issues, you can explore resources such as this article on home insemination and insights from experts on single motherhood. Additionally, CCRM IVF provides valuable resources on related topics.
Summary: My son, a big black boy, faces the challenges of stereotypes and assumptions daily. From being labeled at a young age to experiencing prejudice in educational settings, our family is learning to navigate a world that often judges him based on his appearance rather than his character. Despite these challenges, his creativity, empathy, and kindness shine through, proving that children should not be confined by societal stereotypes.