I never envisioned myself as someone who would go through pregnancy. The traditional picture of family life—complete with a spouse and two and a half kids—never appealed to me. My idea of “having it all” involved a premium Netflix subscription, proximity to public transportation, and a Pembroke Welsh Corgi. Yes, I admit, my standards were high, but those dogs are undeniably adorable, despite their shedding.
When I began writing a dating column for a now-defunct magazine, I certainly didn’t anticipate finding my soulmate. On what felt like my hundredth blind date, at my favorite café in NYC, I met my best friend. Yes, it sounds cliché, but it’s the honest truth.
We soon became a couple, moved in together, and three years later exchanged vows in a Ukrainian Catholic Church in Toronto. With just 15 guests and a priest in leather sandals, it was our own version of a fairy tale.
Although I cherished my husband and the life we were creating, the idea of having children was not something I was keen on. My husband, however, was clearly destined to be a father. Watching him interact with our friends’ kids made my heart melt. He’s a serious guy, often struggling with eye contact, but around children, he becomes playful and relaxed.
When I found out I was pregnant a few years later, I felt a mix of fear and excitement. To my astonishment, pregnancy was a wonderful experience. The dreaded issues—swollen feet, excessive weight gain, and mood swings—didn’t happen to me. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I nearly wished it could last longer (although I was eager to see my feet again and reclaim my personal grooming routine). This little human was becoming a cherished part of our lives.
Once our son reached nine months, we began discussing the possibility of adding another child to our family. Around this time, I also stopped breastfeeding, as my son was an early teether, and I had reached my threshold for nipple bite marks.
Then came the moment no woman wants to face—discovering a lump. A few weeks later, my fears were realized: breast cancer. The following days and weeks were some of the darkest of my life, filled with tests and the dreaded double mastectomy, which relieved me of those dangerous cells. However, with cancer comes the constant worry of stray cells potentially hiding in my body.
The pathology report revealed that my tumor thrived on estrogen, which meant hormonal therapy was my best defense. This included monthly injections that induced menopause and daily anti-estrogen pills. While these medications were essential for my treatment and recurrence prevention, they also meant I could no longer conceive.
Fortunately, years ago, my husband and I made the proactive decision to freeze our embryos. After moving to Toronto, I had read about backup plans for women in their thirties who were delaying pregnancy. So, we went to a clinic and created our future children, who are currently stored safely in a freezer. This means our dreams of having another biological child are not entirely lost.
We have begun the search for a surrogate. I’ve been crafting our bios for the application and even recorded a “Meet Us” video to help attract the right surrogate, which brings back memories of writing dating profiles. “Couple seeking surrogate. Non-smokers only. Vegans preferred.” Just kidding; I wouldn’t deny my future child meat and dairy.
Despite the challenges ahead, including the potential for a stressful and costly process that may not yield results, we remain hopeful. Breast cancer will not rob us of our dreams. While this journey may not follow the path we originally envisioned, if we succeed in welcoming a second child, we’ll consider ourselves incredibly fortunate. Sometimes, unexpected detours lead us exactly where we’re meant to be.
For more insights on fertility and family planning, you can explore excellent resources like Medical News Today or check out Reproductive Healthcare for authoritative information. Additionally, if you’re interested in at-home options, visit Home Insemination Kit for useful tools.