Fifteen years ago, if someone had suggested that social media would dominate our lives, I would have dismissed them as crazy. While social media offers some benefits, it frequently ranks high on the list of stressors in our daily interactions and significantly affects romantic relationships. Research indicates that much of this influence leans toward the negative.
Years ago, I discovered my ex-partner’s infidelity through Facebook. This experience isn’t unique, and the anxiety linked to a partner’s social media presence is common. Fast forward several years and a marriage later, I found that my past experiences, coupled with frequent reports of online affairs, left me with unresolved emotional wounds. I thought reducing my exposure to my husband’s posts would help, but every Facebook update seemed to highlight his likes and comments even more.
Attempts to discuss my feelings with my husband often led to arguments—not because he had done anything wrong, but because my trust issues around social media were hard to navigate. Unfortunately, we were not alone. A Pew Research Center study from 2014 found that an increasing number of couples cited social media as a source of conflict. This isn’t surprising, as social media allows us to present an idealized version of our lives, creating unrealistic comparisons.
When my husband and I had disputes about his online activity, I often felt left out of his virtual world, which made me question his feelings for me. On days when insecurity struck, I would bring up my exclusion from his online life, fearing it indicated he was hiding something. Even when I wasn’t addressing it, discomfort lingered. I had come to accept this as a side effect of the social media era—until a conversation with my mother changed my perspective.
While discussing my frustrations about something my husband posted, she challenged my rationale. “Why are you both on Facebook? You’re married and live together.” At first, I found her viewpoint absurd; wouldn’t a wife naturally be her husband’s friend online? The more I pondered, though, the more I realized I was allowing our social media presence to affect our otherwise happy home life. I wasn’t alone in experiencing these pressures; research confirmed the negative impact social media can have on relationships. So, why add unnecessary stress to our dynamic?
With the demands of parenting, we had less time to argue about trivial things like social media. Yet, the anxiety I felt whenever I saw his name online persisted. Then, during a casual conversation on Messenger, I made a bold move. My hand trembled as I hovered over the “unfriend” button, scrolling through options like “see first” and “unfollow.” When I finally clicked “unfriend,” a wave of relief washed over me.
Despite the drama, our relationship didn’t crumble after I made that choice. When I eventually told my husband, he hadn’t even noticed! I had been so consumed by the idea of unfriending him, and yet he didn’t pay enough attention to realize the change.
In a social media landscape filled with curated images of perfect couples and “super moms,” it’s easy to feel inadequate. However, we often forget that what we see is merely a highlight reel, not the full story. You don’t need to display affection online to maintain a healthy relationship.
Recently, I’ve been focused on achieving mental clarity, and it’s astonishing to think I allowed online perceptions to affect my mindset. Since giving my husband some social media space, we’ve had fewer arguments. Surprisingly, our communication during his work breaks remained strong; we still send each other funny memes and engaging political content. We’re doing just fine.
While I would love to exist in a world where social media doesn’t weigh heavily on our relationships, I don’t live in that reality. It turns out that removing my husband from my virtual life was a crucial step in managing my stress. Totally worth it!
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, the author shares her journey of unfriending her husband on social media to alleviate the stress and anxiety that stemmed from their online interactions. This decision led to improved mental clarity and communication within their marriage, challenging the notion that social media presence is essential for a healthy relationship.