Growing up in a household steeped in racial slurs, I learned early on that my father’s bigotry was simply part of our family culture. I was aware that using the n-word in public was unacceptable, but I remained oblivious to its deep-seated impact. The atmosphere was charged with a toxic kind of racism, where even the most revered figures in history, like Martin Luther King, Jr., were derided.
I can’t pinpoint a single moment that encapsulates my failure to speak out against racism; instead, I recall countless instances, stretching from my childhood into adulthood, where I remained silent. My father’s rants, aimed at various groups, became more frequent, shifting from Black communities to those of Italian descent. Over time, I simply grew weary of resisting, surrendering to the relentless tide of his prejudiced remarks.
What about our beloved grandparents? The challenge of confronting someone you respect and love is daunting. We often think they are too set in their ways to change. So, we sit through their outdated rants about “colored” people or lamentations about how certain groups have “ruined” our towns. This is a phenomenon every white person can relate to, whether they admit it or not. The n-word becomes almost normalized when uttered by those we hold dear.
In college, I faced similar situations with friends. One time, as a Black woman crossed the parking lot, a friend exclaimed, “They think they own the road!” This came from someone who otherwise deplored explicit racism. Rather than calling her out, I chose silence, prioritizing social harmony over moral courage.
And then there’s the subtle racism, like when a Black person is late. The phrase “CPT” (Colored People’s Time) is casually tossed around, reinforcing harmful stereotypes. In those moments, I grappled with the choice between standing up against prejudice or remaining silent to avoid conflict.
Ultimately, the fear of losing relationships or facing backlash keeps us complicit in allowing racism to fester. We’ve fed it instead of cutting it out, afraid of the repercussions. We’ve allowed it to thrive because we’re terrified of each other, of the uncomfortable conversations that could follow.
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Summary
Addressing racism in our families is crucial, yet often uncomfortable. We must overcome the fear of confrontation to dismantle harmful ideologies that persist in silence. By acknowledging our complicity and taking proactive steps, we can foster a more inclusive environment for everyone.