I always envisioned myself as a breastfeeding mom. Having been nursed by my own mother well past her first birthday, I was determined to follow that path. When my son latched just minutes after his birth, I was filled with optimism. Each day brought new ease and joy, and I felt like I was nailing this motherhood thing.
To further support my breastfeeding journey, I joined various Facebook support groups. These communities provided valuable information and a space to discuss the challenges of breastfeeding. I was thriving in this aspect of my life, and I couldn’t wait to share my discoveries with others, especially my best friend, Sarah.
However, Sarah was encountering numerous difficulties with breastfeeding. It pained me to see her struggle when it seemed so natural for me. My excitement about breastfeeding led me to discuss it often, thinking it might inspire her. Little did I know, our perspectives were worlds apart: I was all about breastfeeding, while she had reservations about those who were overly enthusiastic.
This divergence in our views created an unease between us. We never had explosive arguments, but there was a tension simmering beneath the surface. As new moms, I had hoped we could freely exchange insights and experiences. Yet, every time I mentioned a breastfeeding tip or shared something from an advocate I followed, there was always a sarcastic comment from her. My attempts to empathize with her struggles felt futile, as I often left our conversations feeling dismissed.
Eventually, I decided to stop discussing breastfeeding with her. But that didn’t lessen its significance in my life. I had other friends who were either breastfeeding or pregnant and contemplating it, so I felt compelled to share interesting articles on my personal social media. Each time I did, Sarah would inevitably respond with negativity, almost as if challenging me. I wasn’t looking for a debate; I merely wanted to share information I found valuable.
My intent was never to shame anyone for their choices. I believe that everyone is entitled to their views, and I typically keep my disagreements to myself. After her repeated critical comments, I made the tough decision to stop posting about breastfeeding online. It was disheartening, as this aspect of parenting was incredibly important to me, but I didn’t want to alienate one of my closest friends.
I yearned to celebrate our breastfeeding milestones openly, but I hesitated. I didn’t want Sarah to think I was bragging or that I believed I was a superior mom simply because I was breastfeeding. It felt like she cast a shadow over my achievements, and I often found myself hovering over the “share” button, second-guessing myself. On one occasion, Sarah got into a heated debate with another friend over a post I shared, causing me to delete the entire thing just to avoid the drama.
I recognized that her negativity stemmed from her own insecurities, and I never intended to highlight them. However, constantly tiptoeing around her feelings eventually led to resentment. Now that my son has been weaned for a while, I look back on our breastfeeding journey with pride, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I missed out on being openly proud of my experience. Sarah once expressed concern that I was becoming a “lactivist,” but I would have supported her if she felt strongly about something, even if it wasn’t my viewpoint.
In retrospect, I wish I could have celebrated my journey without fear of backlash. It was painful to feel unsupported in something that mattered deeply to me. I still can’t share breastfeeding-related content without anticipating her usual negativity, and that stings.
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Summary
My journey as a breastfeeding mother was impacted significantly by my best friend’s struggles and her negative responses to my enthusiasm. While I aimed to share helpful information, our differing attitudes toward breastfeeding created a rift in our friendship. Despite this, I hold pride in my experience but wish I could have celebrated it more openly.