Updated: July 22, 2018
Originally Published: July 22, 2018
My anxiety operates like a well-oiled machine. I thrive on organization, am always prepared for the unexpected, and tend to be several steps ahead of the game. Yet, my mind is a perpetual whirlwind, relentlessly dissecting every interaction. I have my share of irrational fears, which, despite their absurdity, feel all too real to me.
While my anxiety has propelled me to academic and professional achievements, it has also hindered my social interactions. In high school, I often felt overwhelmed, leading to moments of verbal overflow. Now in my 30s, encountering old classmates can still turn me into a flustered chatterbox, followed by a series of mental replays analyzing every awkward exchange.
Witnessing my son inherit this anxiety is nothing short of devastating. It feels insufficient to describe the heartache that comes with seeing him struggle with fears that mirror my own. My son is a remarkable individual—kind, bright, and deeply thoughtful. I find myself in awe of the person he is becoming, yet our shared mindset often leads to conflicts.
His early days were challenging. As a first-time mom, I had to navigate the complexities of a premature and often unwell baby who rarely slept and barely ate. Thankfully, my husband, Jake, stepped in with patience and support, helping me manage my anxiety through it all.
When my son turned four, his anxiety began to surface. He started asking anxious questions at bedtime: “What are you doing?” and “Where are you going?” One particularly alarming night, while we were outside feeding the chickens, we heard him screaming. In a panic, he sprinted from the house to the barn, clad in his pajamas, overwhelmed and frantic.
This scene transported me back to my own childhood, recalling a night in first grade when I woke to my younger brother’s cries. Unable to comfort him, I searched for my parents, only to find them absent. My mind spiraled into panic, convinced they had met some tragic fate. I remember calling my best friend’s house in desperation, only for my parents to nonchalantly walk in moments later, oblivious to my distress.
On that night, I saw the same wild fear in my son’s eyes that I had once experienced. I understood his turmoil all too well. Comforting him became a painstaking process that required repeated reassurances of safety. Eventually, exhaustion took over, and he fell asleep.
From that moment on, bedtime became a cycle of questions and panicked moments where he would rush downstairs looking for us. His anxiety began to escalate mine. I would feel the tension build as I awaited his frantic descent, often needing my husband to step in when my own anxiety flared up.
I couldn’t shake the feeling of failing as a mother. Not only was I unable to alleviate his struggles, but I also felt responsible for passing down this burden. The guilt consumed me, knowing I had contributed to his distress. The worries about his future—his social skills, his internal battles—would spiral into an overwhelming cycle of anxiety.
Managing my own anxiety is a daily challenge, and simultaneously addressing my son’s feels nearly impossible. My primary goal now is to validate his feelings and help him cultivate coping strategies that resonate with him. Of course, I frequently question my methods and worry that I’m setting him up for failure, but such is the nature of anxiety.
In the midst of this journey, I remind myself to seek support. For example, resources like Mount Sinai Health Library can offer valuable guidance. And if you’re looking for ways to enhance overall wellness, check out Fertility Booster for Men, which provides insights into fertility. Understanding how to handle anxiety is vital, and for more information on related physical concerns, you can visit Understanding Abdominal Pain During Pregnancy.
Summary
Watching your child’s anxiety develop can be a heart-wrenching experience, especially when it mirrors your own struggles. As a parent, finding ways to support them while managing your own anxiety is a delicate balancing act. Acknowledgment of their feelings and teaching coping strategies are essential, but the journey is fraught with self-doubt and overwhelming guilt. Seeking resources and support can help navigate this complex path.