As a woman raised in the South, I often found that societal expectations placed a heavy emphasis on the virtue of politeness. Throughout my life, I’ve been conditioned to prioritize courteousness above all else, leading to situations where my true feelings were stifled in favor of a polite facade. This lesson of constant congeniality often left me silent when I should have spoken up.
In one instance, during a lunch gathering with family and friends, I was approached by two acquaintances who, surprisingly, began to make derogatory remarks about a close relative of mine. Instead of voicing my discontent, I maintained a polite demeanor. Later that year, I experienced another uncomfortable moment at a local diner when an overly chatty elderly couple intruded upon our family meal. Despite my discomfort, I chose to remain courteous rather than assertive.
These experiences left me feeling frustrated, and I wanted to convey to my daughter, Lily, that she does not have to endure similarly uncomfortable situations. After one of these events, I took her aside and expressed, “It’s completely acceptable for you to avoid engaging with someone who makes you uncomfortable. You can express your disinterest.” She looked at me with confusion and asked, “Then why didn’t you?”
Her inquiry resonated deeply with me. Time and again, I had allowed others’ words and actions to overshadow my feelings. The old man’s comfort should not have taken precedence over my family’s desire for privacy, nor should the hurtful comments of those women have gone unchallenged. My emotions in these situations are valid, and I want my children to recognize that their feelings are important too.
I aspire for Lily to navigate the world differently than I did, finding a balance between being respectful and having the courage to articulate her thoughts—even when it feels daunting. I want her to understand that prioritizing her own feelings is not only acceptable but essential.
So, is it ever justifiable to disrupt the flow of a meal? As a mother, I believe it is crucial to teach my daughter that politeness is not a mandatory trait. My words must be backed by action; I must embody the strength I encourage in her.
To all the women grappling with the belief that a fulfilling life necessitates constant politeness, I say emphatically: Yes! It is absolutely okay to disrupt a gathering. Speak your truth, even if your voice trembles. Claim your space in this world unapologetically. Remember, politeness is not a prerequisite for a happy existence.
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In summary, teaching our children about the importance of self-advocacy while maintaining respect for others is a vital lesson. We must encourage them to express their feelings without fear of disrupting the status quo.