By: Elena Carter
Updated: May 13, 2020
Originally Published: May 18, 2018
This month has led me to reflect deeply on my journey—my childhood experiences, my current realities, and notably, my late autism diagnosis at the age of 34. The seed of this self-exploration was planted when I encountered the narratives of other women and girls on the autism spectrum. Their stories illuminated facets of my own life, prompting me to share my journey in hopes it may resonate with someone else facing similar struggles. This letter is for all the unique girls who may be living with undiagnosed autism.
Dear Unique Girl,
I was once just like you.
As a child, I was quiet and preferred to have just one close friend rather than a large social circle. I found joy in solitude, captivated by books and my toys. My playtime was characterized by arranging my toys in meticulous order or crafting static scenes. There were times when I was so engrossed in my activities that my mother’s calls would go unheard. Despite passing hearing tests with ease, I often didn’t respond to my name.
Coordination was another challenge. I frequently burned myself while cooking, bumped my elbows against door frames, and stubbed my toes on furniture. Even after getting glasses and ensuring my hearing was fine, my clumsiness persisted.
Understanding social cues was a constant struggle. The laughter of my peers would often leave me confused, especially during practical jokes, where I felt lost and embarrassed. I learned to mimic social interactions, playing along even when I felt out of place.
As I matured, I found solace in movies and music—especially musicals. Disney films became my refuge, where I memorized not just the songs but the entire dialogue. The characters expressed their emotions so clearly, making them more relatable than the people around me. Today, I still find comfort in what some might deem “childish” interests—Disney films, video games, and collecting toys help ground me in a sometimes chaotic world.
Transitioning into adulthood proved challenging. Learning to manage finances, take care of myself, and succeed in a job was more complicated than I expected, especially after breezing through school. College presented its own set of hurdles, requiring multiple attempts to find my footing.
In the workplace, I continue to face challenges. Engaging with new individuals is daunting, and I often misread social signals. I may laugh at inappropriate moments or fail to grasp the emotions of those around me. Sometimes, I require explicit guidance to understand how to respond to others’ feelings.
Conversing with multiple people poses difficulties. I tend to interrupt or leave conversations abruptly without closure. Following a routine is essential; deviations from it induce anxiety. Sensory sensitivities—bright lights, loud noises, crowded spaces—often overwhelm me, especially when I am unwell or fatigued. When stressed, I find myself flapping my hands to regain control—a coping mechanism that can be hard to explain.
These unique traits often appear perplexing to those unfamiliar with autism. They might label me as “weird,” and perhaps you’ve felt similarly. If you’ve sensed that your differences set you apart, know that you are not alone.
Dear Unique Girl, I see you. The traits that seem so “weird” to others are part of who you are, and understanding them through the lens of autism and anxiety can bring clarity. For years, I questioned my place in the world, overlooking my strengths and the unique ways I approach challenges, which ultimately contributes to my creativity.
If you find yourself feeling lost, overwhelmed, or uncertain about your experiences, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Seeking help from professionals can illuminate your path. Whether it’s autism, anxiety, or other mental health conditions, remember that these labels don’t define your worth.
You are not broken or lacking in common sense. You may need additional support, but that doesn’t diminish your potential for a fulfilling life. Embrace the journey of self-discovery.
Think of yourself as a traveler in a new land—confused by customs and interactions, but eventually finding your way home. For me, receiving my autism diagnosis felt like returning to a place of understanding.
I wish for you to find your sense of belonging. Keep searching for those who resonate with your experiences, as they will also help you uncover more about yourself. Life may still present challenges, but clarity about your struggles can make them more manageable.
You are and will remain the unique girl you’ve always been. But by learning more about yourself, you’ll also grow into something greater. Be brave and embrace this new chapter in your life.
Don’t settle for being just the “weird” girl. Become the courageous one—an explorer embarking on a new adventure. Your home awaits; let’s find it together.