By: Jessica and Mark
In our household, both my partner Mark and I are fully engaged in our careers. Our children are enrolled in various programs, including daycare, preschool, and elementary school. They participate in before- and after-school care since our jobs require us to start early and finish late. During the summer months, they attend camps, while also juggling extracurricular activities, weekend sports, and playdates to ensure they are happy and well cared for.
We both cherish alone time; Mark enjoys golfing and tackling yard work, while I look forward to indulging in a pedicure, shopping, or merely wandering through a store like CVS for an hour. Amidst this busy routine, carving out time for each other feels nearly impossible.
For a while, this lack of couple time became a source of tension. With Mark’s demanding hours and my fatigue after balancing a full day of work and the responsibilities of motherhood, our connection started to wane. We tried to make our shared TV time feel special, but it ultimately fell short.
To tackle this issue, we added a dedicated “date night” to our shared calendar, occurring every month without fail. While we do manage to enjoy outings more frequently, having a scheduled night set aside helps us prioritize our relationship. Even if we skip going out on that specific night, the reminder reinforces the importance of nurturing our connection.
However, I often find myself feeling disconnected even when we are physically together. For instance, just last night, as we sat on the couch, I attempted to engage Mark in conversation, but he was preoccupied with work commitments. I expressed a need to finalize our family vacation plans, only to be met with his request for a moment to finish a task.
My frustration stemmed from our recent discussions about balancing work responsibilities when we are not together. I often turn in early, allowing him to work late, which should ideally give us more quality time together. Yet, after several weeks of late nights and work commitments, I grew weary of his constant interruptions with “just a moment” for work.
What can I do? Should I resign myself to this being our new normal? Will we ever reclaim more meaningful time together? Am I being unreasonable, or is our shared time genuinely lacking?
I am reluctant to voice my concerns too strongly, as I appreciate all the positives Mark brings to our family. He actively supports our children, makes an effort to come home early, and often steps up when needed. We both hold demanding jobs and share the responsibilities of parenthood equally. Still, I wonder if it’s too much to seek more quality time.
Do others struggle with this balance? Conversations about these challenges often feel stifled among friends, as no one wants to seem like they are complaining about their partners. But really, we are just seeking solutions. If I discover an answer, I’ll gladly share it to spare you the uncomfortable chats with your mom friends.
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Summary
Balancing couple time in a dual-income household can be difficult, but setting aside dedicated date nights and prioritizing quality time can help maintain a strong connection. Open communication about work-life balance is crucial, and seeking solutions together can alleviate feelings of disconnection.