This week, as usual, I found myself amidst a crowd of frazzled, overworked, and exhausted mothers at the school playground. With a toddler in one arm and a misplaced lunchbox in the other, these mothers were deep in conversation about ways to address the recent cutback in school recess hours. “Recess provides our kids with essential cognitive, social, and emotional benefits,” they argued. I nodded in agreement, albeit with my three-year-old’s tiny hand muffling my voice. As I wrestled with how to fit “solve the nationwide recess dilemma” into my already crowded mental checklist, I had a sudden realization: forget the kids; I desperately need a break myself.
While many mothers excel at championing their children’s welfare, we often neglect our own needs. We settle for the basics: scraps of food (like leftover sandwich crusts), sporadic sleep (often just a 20-minute nap), and hydration (mostly from the wine we consume). The remainder of our time? It goes to family, home, work, financial obligations, and the endless pursuit of being the “perfect” mother, wife, and woman, as dictated by Pinterest ideals. When we do carve out “me time,” it often morphs into another task on our to-do list. Instead of indulging in a long bath or a leisurely clothing shop, we opt for self-help books or TED talks, thinking they somehow make us better.
Yet, much like our children, we require unstructured time to recharge our minds. Without it, we become fatigued, irritable, and unable to communicate effectively. Ironically, our reasoning for skipping our own “recess” parallels that of educational policies; we undervalue time spent in activities that don’t yield immediate, measurable results. Children should be learning, not just playing, and mothers should be productive, not resting. We recognize how misguided this notion is for our kids, yet we accept it for ourselves, often amplifying the error.
Our days have transformed into a relentless cycle of opportunities to enhance our children’s lives, our careers, and even our own self-improvement, driven by an almost $10 billion industry focused on self-betterment. Sadly, any time allocated to personal enjoyment is often viewed as frivolous and wasteful. Perhaps this compulsive drive to “do” is a defense mechanism against the stigma of being seen as an unproductive “stay-at-home” mom. We build a façade of accomplishments to shield ourselves from judgment—both from others and from within. Consequently, we wear our chaotic lives like badges of honor, praising the busy mom while sometimes criticizing those who dare to indulge in leisure.
Sure, there are necessary tasks to complete, many of which can only be addressed when the kids are preoccupied or asleep. However, instead of using that time for our own respite, we fill it with chores and obligations. I often found that if I received five free minutes, I would fill them with a task that required ten minutes. Those moments became consumed with chores like dishes and laundry, or even grand plans to tackle significant societal issues, leaving me a perpetually overwhelmed individual.
To restore balance in my life, I devised what I call “The 80/20 Rule for Moms on the Edge of Sanity.” Instead of over-scheduling my free time with tasks, I allocate 80% to necessary responsibilities and preserve the remaining 20% for my own “mom recess.” To combat the negative perception of taking time for myself, I actively share what I did during that 20%—be it enjoying a quiet cup of tea or savoring a moment of solitude—rather than focusing solely on my productivity during the bulk of my time.
Whether you adopt the 80/20 Rule or create your own strategy for achieving balance, it is crucial that we embrace a little unproductivity. In doing so, we may discover that dedicating even a fraction of our spare time to self-care leads to tangible benefits—namely, happiness, which is essential for fostering the cognitive, social, and emotional well-being we so fiercely advocate for our children.
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Summary
The article discusses the importance of prioritizing self-care for mothers through the 80/20 Rule, emphasizing the need for unstructured “recess” time to recharge. It highlights the tendency of mothers to overlook their own well-being in favor of productivity and societal expectations, advocating for a shift in perspective that values personal enjoyment.