One afternoon, as I was preparing dinner, my six-year-old daughter, Mia, asked me a simple question: “What does BFF mean?” I was multitasking—seasoning the meat, checking on the fries in the oven, and sniffing the sink to identify an unpleasant odor—so I answered her quickly. Her expression turned from curiosity to concern as she processed my words.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” I asked, wiping my hands on a towel.
“If I’m not a best friend forever, does that make me the worst friend forever?” she asked, her bottom lip trembling.
In that moment, I recognized the potential harm of categorizing friendships so strictly. For young kids, friendships are often absolute—there is a clear distinction between “best” and “worst.” This rigid ranking can be damaging, and I was reminded of my own childhood experiences when I was the one without the other half of a heart necklace.
Sure, I could easily run to a store, purchase a BFF necklace, and ease her mind by clasping it around her neck. I could reassure her that she isn’t the worst friend but rather the best, even more special than a “best” friend. But deep down, I know I don’t want my daughter to feel compelled to designate one friend as more important than others.
I worry that labeling friendships in such a way creates unnecessary competition among girls. They’re already navigating a landscape filled with pressures—who reads the best, who excels in math, or who loses their baby teeth first. Do we really want them to vie for friendship too?
What does it even mean to have a “best friend” in elementary school? Is it the child who shares their snacks, the one who pushes them on the swings, or the brave soul who stands up to a bully? Those aren’t necessarily best friends; they’re simply friends. Children should be free to have as many friends as they wish without the burden of labeling one as the absolute favorite.
As adults, we grapple with our own decisions, like choosing a favorite ice cream flavor, yet we expect children to pick a singular best friend?
I understand the desire for our children to be well-liked and to commemorate close friendships with tokens of appreciation. After all, many of us wore those necklaces proudly as children. However, the innocence of that accessory often fades over time, leaving behind feelings of jealousy or exclusion.
Reflecting on my teenage years, I recall the ruthless competition to climb the social ladder, often at the expense of others. I was more like a Regina George than a Winnie Cooper, and I remember the BFF necklace as just another symbol of that toxic hierarchy.
I value strong female friendships and believe we are all striving to set our daughters up for success. But rather than ranking friendships, perhaps we should teach them the qualities that define a good friend. Imagine if we encouraged our daughters to embrace a diverse group of friends from various backgrounds, fostering connections that enrich their lives.
This approach might require us to step out of our own comfort zones, but it could lead to a more inclusive understanding of friendship. Instead of merely celebrating the birth of the BFF necklace, let’s help our daughters realize that true friendships are not built on flimsy tokens of exclusivity.
Let’s bid farewell to the BFF necklace and the outdated ritual it represents, promoting instead an appreciation for the unique tapestry of friendships that enrich our daughters’ lives.
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Summary
In this article, I discuss why I’m hesitant to allow my daughter to wear a BFF necklace, emphasizing the dangers of categorizing friendships and the importance of celebrating diverse relationships. Instead of promoting competition among friends, we should encourage our children to appreciate the unique qualities that each friendship brings.