People often ask me if I ever take a break, if I slow down, or if I can say “no” to things. The truth is, I’m not entirely sure. Is there ever a clear answer to such questions? We all somehow get through our days, managing tasks, leaving some behind (for better or worse), and picking up again the next morning.
Finding equilibrium in motherhood is challenging; it feels like an ongoing struggle where you’re always giving to one area while sacrificing another. We frequently feel inadequate, even when we’re doing our best.
These feelings can intensify when anxiety is in the mix. With generalized anxiety disorder, a spouse, three children, a demanding job, and the responsibilities of a household, you might think that would be overwhelming enough. And at times, it is. I have moments of complete meltdown. Who hasn’t?
The reality is, many people know when it’s time to step back. They understand when to stop being the “yes!” parent, when to delegate tasks at work, or when to lean on their partner for support. I’m not one of those individuals. While my body may crave rest, my mind thrives in constant motion. When things quiet down, my anxiety surges forward, filling the silence with waves of worry and doubt.
It’s relentless. Childhood traumas resurface. Will I ever repair my relationship with my mother? Will my children have the same feelings toward me in the future? Cue the panic.
Then, mom guilt kicks in. I envisioned myself as a stay-at-home mom, dedicating my time solely to my kids—no email, no smartphone—just mud pies and park outings. Am I creating enough cherished memories for them? Do they realize how much I love them? Will they resent me for being on my computer at the park? Cue the panic again.
The guilt extends to my relationships. I can’t be everywhere at once. I have a perfect little niece who deserves my love, and I want my sister to know I’m here to support her in this parenting journey. I want my grandparents to feel valued and ensure my kids form lasting memories with family. I yearn for one-on-one moments with my husband, who means the world to me. I want to be a good friend and a supportive boss. It’s a lot to juggle, and I often feel like I’m letting someone down. Cue the panic yet again.
And then there’s the weight of responsibilities. Student loan debt looms over me—will I ever be free of it? Household chores, lawn care, car maintenance, and overdue wellness checks for the kids are just the beginning. The list of home projects grows longer, reminding me of my commitments and stealing my sleep as I obsess over every unfinished task. Cue the panic.
Living this way is not easy; it’s exhausting and overwhelming. While I have always been an extroverted, energetic person, this goes deeper. My mind cannot find peace. If I stop, I spiral into overthinking, worrying, and obsessing. Surprisingly, quiet moments can be more draining for me than keeping busy, no matter how tired I feel.
The only way I can maintain a sense of normalcy is to keep myself occupied, but that often leads me to the brink of burnout—short-tempered, impatient, and worn out. I know it shouldn’t be this way, and I’m making efforts to change it. I deserve to enjoy a moment of silence in my chaotic home or to bask in the sun while on vacation or indulge in a good book before bed without succumbing to anxiety. I want to experience relaxation and self-care.
While medication and therapy offer some relief, and my support network, including my adorable kids, helps, I still struggle. Sleep eludes me, and my thoughts frequently spiral into worst-case scenarios, even when I try to focus on positivity. Anxiety is a daily battle, and I know many can relate to this struggle. It’s important for us to share our experiences to foster connection and understanding in this fight. I will continue to persevere, hoping for a day when my mind allows me a genuine break.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the challenges of managing anxiety while navigating the demands of motherhood, relationships, and personal responsibilities. The author shares her experiences of feeling overwhelmed by guilt and obligations, revealing the constant battle with anxiety that impacts her daily life. Despite seeking support and striving for balance, the struggle remains ongoing, but there is hope for a future where she can find peace.