“Did Jordan get our Amazon gift card?” I texted.
“Yes! Sorry, we haven’t had time to write thank you notes yet,” replied my fellow mom-friend, a mother of three.
Right there, I hit a wall. If you’re making your 8-year-old sit down to craft 20 thank-you notes, please, for the love of all things sacred, don’t include ours in that chore. I adore your child and would love to hear what they bought with our gift card—maybe a book or some cool action figure. But honestly, a quick “Got it! Thanks!” via text is more than sufficient to reassure me that the gift didn’t vanish into the abyss of the postal system.
My Take on Thank You Notes
Here’s the deal: I’m not against thank you notes in principle. I’ve penned my share and will probably write more in my lifetime. My kids might even scribble a note of gratitude occasionally. However, overall, I find them to be overrated and often unnecessary.
Before anyone jumps in with judgment about my parenting—like “You’re raising ungrateful children”—let me clarify. If you’ve given my child a gift in person, they naturally expressed their thanks—likely with a hug and some excited playtime with their new treasure. To me, that’s sufficient acknowledgment.
When it comes to gifts sent through the mail, it’s a little different. I usually capture a photo of them opening or enjoying your present. If it’s new clothes for my son, you might get a picture of him in the outfit. My kids love to use my phone to send texts, so expect something like “Thanks for the awesome toy!” adorned with a barrage of emojis. That’s their way of expressing gratitude. We’re a busy family who values showing appreciation while also embracing the conveniences of modern technology.
The Reality of Handwritten Notes
Honestly, what does a handwritten thank you note accomplish? It often results in a tedious battle between parent and child. Does writing 14 notes make a child more appreciative? Probably not; they’re likely wishing they’d never received that silly science kit in the first place.
Another common consequence of the thank you note obligation is stress. Are they sent out promptly? Did I inject enough emotion and detail? Is the handwriting legible? Seriously?
Remember the post-wedding or post-baby thank you note frenzy? That’s exactly what I want to do—send a note to Aunt Linda saying “thanks for the baby clothes” while I’m juggling a crying infant and a laundry disaster.
It might just be the years of obligatory thank you notes that filled me with dread. Or perhaps it’s the pressure to ensure they’re perfect and sent on time. How much emotion can you really convey in a thank you for a set of utensils? “Thanks, Aunt Judy! I can’t wait to… eat with my new forks!” Really?
Moreover, I know that once you receive our thank you note, it’s likely to end up in the recycling bin after a brief glance. And that’s totally fine—I wouldn’t judge, because I do the same.
Fostering Genuine Gratitude
For all these reasons, I don’t force my kids to write thank you notes, and honestly, I lose no sleep over it. Having my child sit at the dining room table the day after their birthday, writing “thank you” until their hand aches doesn’t foster gratitude. Teaching them to express thanks, share, care for their belongings, and support those in need—those are the lessons we focus on in our home.
Ultimately, a thank you note should come from the heart. It should be a genuine expression of gratitude, not a chore. If your great-aunt sends a gift and you feel inspired to write a heartfelt letter, by all means, do it. Or if your kindergartner needs practice with their writing, have them pen a note to someone special. But the expectation of sending thank you notes to every single guest at your child’s birthday party? No thanks. We expressed our gratitude when you handed over the gift and thanked you for coming at the end of the party. That should be enough.
I certainly don’t expect them from others, especially not from a new mom who just had a baby or from my friend who is managing four kids. Let’s save the postage and the trees. A quick text works just fine, or no message at all—you do you.
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In summary, while thank you notes can be a nice gesture, the pressure to produce them often outweighs their value. Instead, focus on fostering genuine gratitude and appreciation in meaningful ways.