By Evelyn Carter
Life is inherently challenging. The Buddha mentioned suffering, and numerous philosophers echo this sentiment. Every individual encounters pain—be it rejection, loss, or unfair treatment. Life is a series of hardships that we must all navigate.
When Benjamin Franklin stated, “Nothing is certain except death and taxes,” he overlooked the reality of suffering. Perhaps he felt that mentioning suffering would have made his statement too grim.
Everyone has their stories of how life has dealt them a tough hand. These narratives vary in severity, but they all serve a purpose: they help us connect and understand that we aren’t alone in our struggles. My own upbringing was complicated by issues such as divorce, financial hardships, and mental health challenges. However, it was also enriched by loving parents who did their utmost, a supportive community, and role models who championed important causes. Perspective is key.
I could recount my childhood in starkly different ways, and both would hold truth. While acknowledging the pain is essential, it is equally vital not to let it define who you are.
Too often, I hear people conclude their tales of hardship without any inclination to change their circumstances. They allow their situations to define them. Although we don’t get to pick the challenges we face, that doesn’t preclude us from seeking new opportunities or making the most of our current circumstances. What I’ve learned is that it’s our perspective on challenges that truly shapes our identities, rather than the challenges themselves.
Life delivers its share of suffering, but it also provides countless moments of love and joy. However, we often overlook these fleeting instances. The laughter of children, quiet moments spent reading, or simply enjoying a cup of coffee—all these experiences are significant. Tiny yet beautiful moments occur every day, but it’s up to us to recognize and cherish them.
That said, I often feel uneasy when people discuss “practicing gratitude.” To me, it seems like an elusive state of eternal happiness. My brother, who often speaks in extremes, claims he experiences “pure bliss.” However, I rarely encounter such euphoric moments. Instead, I find joy in the little things: a spontaneous hug from my daughter, discovering my favorite snack at the store, or enjoying a trip to the local shop where I can browse adorable, reasonably priced children’s clothes while sipping iced coffee. I have a loving partner who stands by me, friends, books, art, and even Judge Judy.
These moments are beautiful yet often go unnoticed unless we actively seek them out. I’m working on improving my ability to notice these small joys. In our household, we practice something called “Three Joys,” where we write down three positive moments from our day. This simple exercise serves as a valuable reminder to appreciate the little things in life. Interestingly, I learned about this from a talk by Sheryl Sandberg on Super Soul Sunday; she emphasized its simplicity and effectiveness in transforming one’s outlook on life.
As we age, it’s natural to mourn what we’ve lost. I often find myself reminiscing about my carefree college days filled with laughter and friendship. Those were indeed remarkable times, except for the hangovers and heartbreaks. It’s easy to romanticize the past; our minds tend to forget the trauma (which is why many women choose to have more than one child). Society often labels youth as the pinnacle of life. But what if the best moments are happening right now? Amid the chaos of raising young children—complete with tantrums and overflowing laundry—I may not be at my most glamorous or slimmest, yet I feel genuinely happy. I have small children who bring joy and laughter, good health, and supportive family members who love me and my children dearly.
I recently saw a meme featuring Andy from The Office, stating, “I wish there was a way to know when you’re in the good ol’ days before you actually left them.” This struck a chord with me; these are my golden years.
The truth is, the “golden years” aren’t confined to a specific phase of life. They manifest when we appreciate our lives and surround ourselves with loved ones who bring us laughter. The time spent with my children, friends, and family is it—these are my glory days, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Well, maybe just for a haircut.
In conclusion, moments of joy are not restricted to the past but are present in our lives today. By cultivating an awareness of these moments and practicing gratitude, we can transform our perspectives and embrace our current experiences.
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