I was overjoyed when I learned that my first child would be a girl. And then another girl. And another. While I would certainly cherish a son if I were to have one, I felt confident in my ability to nurture daughters into strong individuals.
My goal is to cultivate in my daughters a sense of strength, confidence, and joy. I envision them as warriors—capable and resilient. Importantly, a princess can embody warrior qualities too; I won’t deny them beautiful dresses and lovely hair accessories. However, I want them to understand they can achieve much more than mere appearances.
1. Instill the Value of Inner Beauty
I want my daughters to grasp that true beauty stems from within, not just outer appearances. Everyone is unique in shape, size, and color, and it’s their actions that define their beauty. Unfortunately, many older girls and women perpetuate harmful narratives about appearances.
If I hear “fat talk” around my daughters, I intervene. I want them to embrace their bodies as they are—flawed yet perfect. Building their confidence should rely on self-love, not the fleeting approval of others. Imagine a warrior concerned with her looks or others’ opinions. I also make it a point to highlight genuine beauty: a kind smile, a loving heart, and respectful behavior.
2. Encourage Pride in Identity
Unconditional love is vital for fostering confidence—expressing “I love you even when you misbehave” without necessarily saying it out loud. Each of my daughters has her own strengths and weaknesses. One may excel in math while another shines in gymnastics, and that diversity is our strength. A true warrior acknowledges her weaknesses without dwelling on them.
Daily, I remind my daughters to “focus on what is good.” They should take pride in their individuality and embrace their femininity (and later, womanhood). They should never feel limited by societal norms that dictate what’s “girly.” I also encourage them to learn about their cultural background and celebrate their unique heritage, which includes the ability to speak different languages and connect with family around the world.
3. Provide Inspiring Role Models
Classic fairy tales like Sleeping Beauty and Snow White don’t resonate with me. Instead, I share the adventures of strong characters like Pippi Longstocking and Matilda from Roald Dahl’s works. Why do these stories always culminate in a wedding? What did Cinderella do after becoming a princess? Did she help others like herself?
Introduce your daughters to role models that inspire them beyond superficial aspirations. While strong female characters may be few in children’s literature, there are countless heroic women whose biographies could serve as bedtime stories. Consider books like Fantastically Great Women Who Changed the World by Kate Pankhurst or the Little People, Big Dreams series. You might even find unsung heroines within your family or community—grandmothers, aunts, or neighbors whose lives can inspire little girls.
4. Teach Them to Stand for Something
I want my daughters to fight for meaningful causes, but I first need to show them the world’s realities. Issues like poverty, injustice, and environmental degradation are prevalent. We shouldn’t shield them from these topics to spare their feelings.
Be honest with your children and discuss serious matters in an age-appropriate manner. Encourage them to understand that while problems exist, so too do solutions. If you engage in community work, involve your daughters. Let them host a fundraising bake sale or volunteer in an appropriate capacity. They could help elderly neighbors or assist disadvantaged children with their homework.
5. Cultivate Empathy
To make a genuine impact, one must be passionate about the cause, and empathy fuels that passion. Can empathy be taught? Yes, indeed. I share stories that explore hardships, including those without happy endings, such as the original tales by Hans Christian Andersen. Storytelling is a powerful tool for enhancing emotional intelligence.
Encourage your daughters to recognize their emotions and understand that feeling sad, angry, or discontent is perfectly normal. Emphasize kindness over competition. Remind your little warrior that personal happiness often comes as a bonus when striving to live a good life.
Teach them to understand rather than judge others. If someone is speeding, consider they might be rushing to help a sick child. If a toddler is crying, acknowledge that they could be tired or hungry. Instilling empathy from an early age will set a foundation for happiness.
6. Uphold the Meaning of “No”
Helplessness is a learned behavior, just as empowerment is. It’s crucial for my daughters to understand their right to make decisions while respecting authority. I allow them to choose their meals and clothing, as long as they are appropriate for the situation. If they don’t want to wear a hat on a cold day, that’s their choice, but I suggest they keep it handy.
In contrast, if they demand a new toy while shopping, I firmly say no. I want them to realize their choices have consequences, and their “no” deserves respect, just as I expect them to respect mine.
7. Foster Responsibility
Making choices comes with accountability. My daughters are responsible for tidying up their toys and cleaning spills. I don’t plan their entire days; instead, I guide them in exploring their options. I’m there to help when they need it, but I remind them that while we can’t control everything, our happiness lies within us.
8. Instill Belief in Their Potential
The great women who changed the world didn’t do it through magic; they achieved their goals through dedication and hard work. I want my daughters to learn this lesson from stories of influential figures like Marie Curie and Malala Yousafzai. I focus on praising their efforts instead of labeling them as “smart.”
9. Allow Freedom to Play
Children need the freedom to play, and their play should be both challenging and adventurous. Occasionally, I close my eyes when they’re swinging high, resisting the urge to intervene. Risky play teaches them resilience and courage—qualities essential for any aspiring warrior.
While I want to keep them safe, I understand the difference between safe challenges and genuine hazards. Climbing trees may be risky, but crossing a busy street is hazardous. I aim to instill the skills necessary for navigating life’s challenges without stifling their drive.
10. Build Physical and Emotional Resilience
Warriors require strength. In addition to character development, physical health is crucial. I involve my daughters in meal preparation, discussing nutrition while encouraging healthy eating habits. Regular exercise is also a priority, and I strive to get them outdoors daily.
Discipline serves as a framework for teaching self-control rather than as a means to control them. I limit their screen time and minimize unhealthy snacks while avoiding processed foods, which can undermine their strength.
11. Encourage Father-Daughter Bonds
A father often serves as the first male figure of affection in a girl’s life. While I can tell my daughters they are beautiful, it’s their father’s praise that brings the brightest smiles. Girls with strong relationships with their fathers are more likely to develop healthy self-esteem and confidence in their choices.
In summary, raising a daughter to be a resilient and confident individual involves teaching her about inner beauty, celebrating her uniqueness, providing strong role models, and instilling a sense of responsibility and empathy. Encouraging play, promoting physical health, and fostering strong family bonds further empower her to navigate the world confidently.
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