In today’s world, social media is filled with proud parents celebrating their children’s academic achievements. They share snapshots of progress reports adorned with glowing teacher comments about their children’s diligence and kindness. Many of these children excel with straight A’s, earning accolades for their attendance and exemplary performance. As I scroll through these posts, I often feel a pang of sadness for my daughter, who faces her own academic battles.
Each week, my daughter anticipates accolades that never come. While her peers shine in the spotlight, she works tirelessly, often feeling overlooked. The school seems to celebrate those who fit their mold of a “model student”—the ones who are consistently attentive and compliant. My daughter, however, has to expend double the effort to achieve even a fraction of what others find simple. Her struggle to maintain focus and remain seated is an everyday challenge. Despite her resilience and commitment, her hard work often goes unrecognized.
Throughout six years in the school system, only one teacher has acknowledged my daughter’s brilliance during parent-teacher conferences. This teacher, whose own child has ADHD, recognized her unique strengths and depth of thought. I left that meeting feeling emotional, as it was a stark contrast to the typical experience. Research indicates that by age 12, children with ADHD receive around 20,000 more negative messages than their peers, leading to a constant barrage of criticism. My daughter frequently faces reprimands for behaviors that are beyond her control, leaving her feeling ashamed rather than supported.
Educators often express intentions to help my daughter succeed, yet the reality is that she faces constant punishment for her inability to conform to traditional expectations. Rather than understanding her ADHD as a disability, they sometimes view it as a choice, failing to recognize that she cannot simply “turn it off.”
Children like my daughter do not need to be “fixed”; they need empathy and understanding. It’s essential for educators and administrators to recognize students who may not fit the conventional criteria of success and to appreciate the effort that goes into their work. Alternative forms of recognition could be developed to honor the determination of those who may never receive traditional awards. Grading should reflect understanding rather than merely completion of assignments.
For the parents of children who work hard and excel in their own ways: let’s remind them of their value. We must not allow the feedback from schools to diminish our pride in their unique journeys.
To educators and school leaders, I urge you to look beyond the surface. Recognize the strengths of each child, even when they seem to struggle in the shadows of their peers. Celebrate their achievements, however small, and honor their individual progress. This is all I ask.
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Summary:
The experience of parenting a child who does not receive academic accolades can be emotionally challenging. Many children struggle, particularly those with conditions like ADHD, and their efforts often go unrecognized. It’s important for parents to acknowledge their children’s unique strengths and for educators to provide understanding and alternative forms of recognition. Celebrating individual progress can help foster a more inclusive environment.