Marriage can be challenging, and when children enter the picture, those challenges multiply. Research indicates that the decline in relationship satisfaction happens nearly twice as fast for parents compared to couples without kids. While I may not be a psychologist or a research scientist, as a mother of four, I can attest to the strain that parenting places on a marriage. The exhaustion that comes with raising kids is often the culprit behind the disconnect.
Parenting requires an immense amount of attention and energy. It resembles a relentless marathon, pushing us to our limits day after day. Time for breaks is rare, and when they do occur, they often fail to restore us fully. Amidst the hustle of managing our children’s needs, our marriages can easily slip down the priority list, left to fend for themselves as we focus on nurturing the next generation.
My husband, Mark, and I have found ourselves in this situation recently. With his demanding 60-hour work weeks and my commitments, including teaching classes at a gym, we often pass each other like ships in the night. Between the kids’ extracurricular activities, homework, and school projects, we find ourselves collapsing into bed, sometimes without exchanging more than a quick kiss before sleep overtakes us.
Though we deeply love each other, the everyday grind has a way of overshadowing our connection. Recently, thanks to Mark’s hard work and the generosity of a wonderful boss, along with my mother’s willingness to look after the kids, we finally managed to escape for a week-long vacation to a tropical resort—just the two of us.
Having been married for 18 years without a real honeymoon, this trip was a long-awaited escape. Initially, I struggled to leave my “mommy mode” behind, but as the days passed, I rediscovered what it meant to be a wife, a partner, and a lover free from parental responsibilities. Conversations flowed easily, covering topics beyond carpooling and school grades, and we enjoyed uninterrupted time together. The absence of the typical interruptions from our children was liberating.
This vacation illuminated a subtle but significant issue we had been facing: a form of “relationship burnout.” It wasn’t characterized by yelling or overt unhappiness; instead, we had drifted apart without realizing it, seeing each other primarily as co-parents rather than as partners. This shift into autopilot made it all too easy to neglect the romantic aspects of our relationship.
While our vacation didn’t involve endless romantic moments typical of a fairy tale, it was enough to remind us of our connection. Just stepping back from the daily grind allowed us to see that our relationship is the foundation for our family. Our children draw their sense of security from us, and if our bond weakens, so does the family structure. Neglecting our relationship ultimately harms our kids, who benefit from a strong marital partnership—ironically, the very partnership that often gets sidelined in the name of parenting.
While a week-long getaway may not be feasible for everyone, it reinforced the value of prioritizing our relationship. It doesn’t have to require substantial time or money; even regular date nights can make a difference. Sometimes, it’s essential to choose “us” over the kids’ activities, allowing for moments of reconnection. Although it may take years before we can replicate such a vacation, small gestures can still foster intimacy.
In the meantime, I’ll be saving up for another weekend escape. For more on building strong family foundations, you can check out this excellent resource. And if you’re curious about home insemination methods, this article provides helpful insights. For expert advice on welcoming new additions to the family, you can learn more about Baby M’s arrival.
Summary
Taking time away from your children can be one of the best things you do for your marriage. It allows couples to reconnect beyond their roles as parents and prioritize their relationship, which ultimately strengthens the entire family. Regular date nights and small gestures of intimacy can help maintain that connection even amidst the chaos of parenting.