At the age of seven, I experienced an inappropriate encounter with my pediatrician. I found it challenging to articulate my feelings to my mother, lacking the terminology to explain why I felt uncomfortable. My only argument was that if I was brought in for a routine cold, there was no reason for my doctor to touch me inappropriately. The touches lingered far longer than necessary, which was my first indicator that something was amiss. With each subsequent appointment, I began to dread the days my mother would pull me from school for another examination, fully aware that she dismissed my discomfort. Ironically, while she had strict boundaries regarding my personal safety—she waited six months after my birth to let my own father change my diaper and disallowed sleepovers due to trust issues with other fathers—she failed to recognize the inappropriate behavior occurring right in front of her.
My mother did an admirable job raising my siblings and me alone after my parents separated, but I often wondered how such a significant incident could occur under her watch. The unfortunate truth was simple: she placed her trust in a physician rather than in me, her child. Eventually, she did heed my concerns and switched my pediatrician. The new doctor respected my boundaries, and I eventually reached an age where I could advocate for myself regarding my body and its treatment. However, after the public outcry surrounding the Olympic doctor scandal, it became clear to me that my experience was not unique. Society is beginning to acknowledge that doctors are not infallible and that children deserve to have a voice.
I have a son, and I firmly believe that his body deserves the same protection as anyone else’s. He should learn that he has the right to determine what happens to his body, and as such, I will not consent to him undergoing naked physicals until he is mature enough to communicate his comfort level. Some may argue that this perspective is excessive, claiming that a three-year-old cannot make such decisions regarding their body. I challenge this notion: why shouldn’t they?
I make a conscious effort to validate my son’s autonomy. For instance, if he resists bath time, I don’t forcibly remove his clothes. Instead, I wait until he’s more cooperative, preventing a struggle that could teach him to disregard his comfort for adult demands. During potty training, we respect his choice to keep his underwear on, rather than forcing him onto the toilet. At doctor’s visits, we clearly express that we do not want his private areas examined, and our pediatrician respects this decision.
Some may suggest that I am hindering my child’s health by denying necessary examinations. However, if you truly believe that a doctor’s role is merely to adhere to guidelines for insurance billing without considering patient comfort, you might want to explore the various aspects of what constitutes a physical. Knowledge is readily available online, and it’s worth investigating the necessity of certain examinations, particularly for young children. Interestingly, many European countries do not require full disrobing for pediatric physicals, raising questions about why this is a standard practice in America.
In my view, my son does not require regular examinations of his testicles unless specific concerns arise. Importantly, I serve as his sole advocate between him and healthcare providers. If I cannot ensure that he is comfortable with an examination, I will not permit it. Forcing him into uncomfortable situations could lead him to question why exceptions to our rules exist, potentially creating confusion about boundaries with various individuals, including doctors, family members, and caregivers. This is a slippery slope I aim to avoid.
Some may deem my approach irrational, but I find peace in knowing that my son is learning to respect his own body. One day, he will understand that this principle extends to girls as well—an essential lesson, especially given the ongoing struggles many women face regarding bodily autonomy during childbirth and other medical procedures. It is never too soon to impart these values, as children are individuals with their own thoughts and emotions, regardless of their age.
In summary, instilling autonomy and respect for personal boundaries in children is crucial from a young age. By allowing them to have a say in their experiences, we empower them to protect themselves and understand their rights as individuals.