When I encounter comments implying I’m not a “real” mom, the fire in my eyes makes it clear that the person should reconsider their words. It’s absurd to claim someone isn’t real just because they haven’t given birth; such statements are not only ridiculous but also deeply patronizing. Motherhood encompasses both biological ties and the actions we take to nurture and love children. There are biological mothers who lack in caring, and there are those who nurture without biological connection. If you fall into both categories, congratulations—you deserve a trophy.
As a stepmom and foster mom, I often hear these four frustrating remarks:
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When are you planning to have your own children?
Blink, blink. It’s not hard to see that I currently care for 2 to 4 children at any given time. While they may not be mine by birth, they are undeniably mine in spirit. In fact, I still hold a place in my heart for children I no longer see. So, if you can see, please back off from my reproductive choices—thanks! -
Oh, come on! I didn’t mean it like that. Don’t you want your own?
Ah, so you enjoy being intrusive. Let’s not delve into someone’s family planning, shall we? Perhaps I should share my period tracking app to give you a detailed account of my personal life. The love I have for my children is not dictated by biology; it’s about the bond we share. -
Why do they call you mom? You’re not their real mom.
What do you mean by “real mom”? Take a moment to reflect on your definition. I’m not trying to take the place of their mother; I’m their stepmom and foster mom. The children choose to call me “mom,” and I encourage them to use whatever name feels right for them. Their comfort and security matter far more than your narrow views. -
You’ll understand when you have one of your own.
So, because I haven’t given birth, I’m somehow incapable of understanding? Does that mean adoptive parents lack understanding as well? Love isn’t quantified by how a child enters the world. I pour my heart and soul into my children—step and foster. I spend countless hours researching medical needs for them, ensuring they receive the best care, and learning how to support their emotional and academic journeys. I would move mountains for them.
These are just a few examples of what I face from friends, family, and strangers alike. How can I convey my love for these children as fiercely as if I had given birth? I won’t pretend to be the same as their biological mom, nor will I claim superiority. I am Emily. I am their stepmom. I am their foster mom. I am their unwavering advocate, their shoulder to lean on, and my love for them is boundless.
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In summary, the journey of motherhood takes many forms, and love transcends biological connections. Each child deserves a nurturing figure, and I embrace my role with pride and passion.