In recent times, I have noticed a rising trend on social media — heartfelt “advice” pieces from mothers to their daughters, aimed at sharing their hard-earned wisdom. This sentiment is commendable, yet there appears to be a significant gap between the well-meaning advice given and the realities that await our daughters. One particular piece I encountered urged, “please wait until you’re ready for children before engaging in sexual relations.” This perspective assumes a great deal about a young woman’s future choices. Should she refrain from intimacy for her entire life if motherhood is not her desire? Is it understood that enjoying sexual experiences without the immediate intention of parenthood is not just acceptable but can be fulfilling?
As a mother, I recognize that the topic of intimacy, while deeply personal, should not be shied away from. I don’t want to dwell on my daughter’s sexual experiences, but I would never want to deprive her of those joys simply to alleviate my own discomfort — I am not a gatekeeper of pleasure. While I might not relish the idea of my daughter wearing revealing clothing or posting questionable selfies (if that’s still a trend in a decade or so), my concern stems from knowing the backlash she might face. My instinct is to protect her, yet I also find myself frustrated with the necessity of feeling that way. It’s high time we strive for a better world for our daughters, so here’s my advice — which I hope resonates more than other conventional pieces. Remember that life experience often teaches the most valuable lessons, so take my words lightly.
1. Practice Kindness, But Know When to Set Boundaries
As you grow, you will get better at distinguishing when to be courteous and when to stand your ground. It’s okay to say, “No, I won’t take on additional responsibilities this week.”
2. Value Your Relationships
Surround yourself with trustworthy individuals. These are the people you can rely on in times of need, such as those frantic 4 a.m. calls when you can’t locate your belongings.
3. Be Critical of Media Portrayals
Society bombards you with the idea that your worth is tied to your appearance. While you may recognize this isn’t true, it’s a pervasive message. Remember, the seemingly perfect women in advertisements don’t reflect reality, so don’t feel pressured to conform to unrealistic beauty standards.
4. Explore Healthy Sexuality
Enjoy discovering your body, both alone and with a partner who values your pleasure. If something feels off, trust your instincts and stop.
5. Stand Up Against Dismissive Behavior
If you ever find yourself in a situation where a male family member exhibits outdated attitudes during a dinner with a date, confidently assert your independence. You know how to choose your partners wisely. And side note: if this occurs, please feel free to pound your fist on the table and declare, “My choices belong to me!”
6. Find Your Ground
Life may throw challenges your way. Discover activities that stabilize you, whether it’s sports, art, or indulging in mindless television. Remember, mental health is crucial — both your father and I believe in the value of therapy.
7. Prioritize Yourself
You are not obligated to fulfill anyone else’s emotional needs. Your happiness should come first, as you can’t support others when you’re depleted.
8. No Judgment from Me
While I may express my opinions (sorry, that’s my role as your mom!), I will love you unconditionally no matter your choices.
9. Be Wary of Online Advice
Much of what you read may be tainted by outdated ideologies disguised as friendly guidance. I’ve searched for topics like “relationship advice” and consistently found the same, unhelpful narratives.
10. You Don’t Have to Smile
You might inherit our family’s “resting face,” which can lead to annoying questions about your mood. Feel free to respond candidly about your reflections on life and its challenges.
11. Embrace the Option of Being Single
Contrary to cultural narratives, you do not need a partner to lead a fulfilling life. Enjoy your independence — all the blankets will be yours!
12. Support in Times of Need
Should you ever find yourself pregnant, know that I will stand by you and support your decisions, whatever they may be.
In closing, I love you deeply and have chosen to remain unnamed in this letter to protect both your privacy and my own. I aim to challenge outdated perceptions of femininity and sexuality, but I must admit it can be exhausting. Life is about balance, and I still have personal joys to pursue. For further insights, check out some authoritative resources like this one on reproductive health or this excellent guide for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
This article discusses the essential advice for daughters, emphasizing self-discovery, the importance of healthy relationships, and personal empowerment. It critiques traditional gender roles and encourages young women to prioritize their happiness and make choices without societal pressure.